


The Boxer

by Azure_K_Mello



Series: The 90 Days Verse [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blackmail, Blow Jobs, M/M, Non Consensual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-11 16:58:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/801004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azure_K_Mello/pseuds/Azure_K_Mello
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blackmail, shame, hatred, disgust, degradation and true love. When Draco finds out a secret Harry will do anything to keep people from finding out. </p>
<p>The first of two stories in the 90 days 'verse. </p>
<p>Spoilers/Timeline: Set in Year Seven, 1998, but ignores all of book six. So it could be called AU/Future fic/ Pre-canon. I don't mind what you call it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Boxer

"Do you understand the assignment?" asked Hermione, some things never change; Hermione would always worry about school even while eating. That was slightly comforting to Harry. She and Neville were discussing possible essay topics. 

He realized while eating supper that he felt no more comfortable in the Great Hall at seventeen than he had when he was eleven. At one point he had thought of this place as home but there were so many faces missing and the warm, homey, close feeling had been replaced by silent desperation. 

When he'd first arrived he had been so shocked to learn of what he now thought of as his ultra identity, Harry Potter teen-star war-icon. And the shock hadn't gone away, he still couldn't reconcile the image people had of him with the boy he was. But he had been so positive, at eleven, that Voldemort was either going to kill him within a fortnight or leave him for years. He thought that it was either too close to be averted or too far away to be worried about. That idea had been quickly dispelled. Now he just wanted to face the man, as soon as possible, so he was training hard to concentrate, hone, and control his powers. 

Looking around he felt himself flush at the sight of all the empty spaces. And he remembered the last battle, if it could be called a battle. It was a slaughter. No one had been prepared for the Death Eaters to attack the Halloween dance during his sixth year. And Voldemort had stood outside the gates, apparently still afraid of stepping on Hogwarts' soil. He had watched with cold eyes and he had laughed. Harry had fought his way into the Entrance Hall but couldn't get out of the crowd to face him. By the time the attackers were through there were forty-eight dead students and seven bound Death Eaters. 

Then he had stepped up his training, swallowed pride and asked Snape to help him. The man had asked why Harry had finally come to his senses. Feeling half numb Harry had replied, "People are dead, many people, it's time to step up, right?" he had waited for an answer but when none came he said, "time to grow up." Over a year later he was more prepared and much more tired.

Eyes were boring into his back and he was used to that stare. He wasn't in the mood to look at Malfoy. Shoveling his food into his mouth it was easy to ignore the sensation. He ran on automatic, not tasting the food, and remembered Hermione saying "You're no use half-starved." She had tried to laugh when she added, "I'm sure that he would be angry, he would say that as he can't eat it's your duty as his best friend to eat double portions on his behalf." He had forced a laugh too.  
As pudding appeared on the table he reached for a custard tart, he'd never really liked them but he was thinking of Ron. Dumbledore, who'd been absent throughout the meal entered the room in a quick determined stride. The Hall, which was rarely boisterous these days, went silent as he said, "We must act quickly, students, follow Harry Potter to the second floor girl's toilet. Obey his orders completely. He is not responsible for any of you and if you do not follow his instructions you will find yourself in peril."

Standing, Harry went to the man and said with determination, "Is he coming?" 

"No," said Dumbledore, "You'll best serve this fight by protecting the others. You have seven minutes. You might be down there for several days."

He nodded and glanced towards the High Table and winced at the sight of Snape's empty seat. A strong hand rested on his back and he smiled tightly at Neville as he and Hermione flanked Harry's sides. Once inside the toilet he glanced at the sink, hissing the order for it to sink and reveal the pipe entrance. Speaking to the students he said, "Just jump down. It won't hurt. Jump and move inwards." 

Time was running short and he gave one reluctant third year a push. He heard Neville's surprised laugh and turned to see that his two friends were herding children into the hole and he said, "Go down, I've got this, please, get down there." Looking at their friend's pallor they didn't argue, just dropped down.  
Harry heard Hermione's voice float up to him. It was calm and strong as she said, "Move in. Stop gawking, come into the main room. Don't touch anything." Harry smiled at the way she was protecting his stuff as so many of his personal possessions were in the Chamber. He heard her add, "Touching them could kill you, lots of dark magic in those." He nearly laughed at the strangeness of the situation: he was driving students into the Chamber of Secrets and Hermione was guarding his property.

As Malfoy passed him he said, "It's sounds like a kafuffle out in the hallway." Harry gave him a very hard push even though Malfoy had been making to step into the entrance. He smirked as he heard the boy's sharp, shocked intake of breath. 

The last of the students passed by him, the first years had gone first everyone had followed by age and at the back he saw Terry Boot flash him a smile and mouth the word, "Thanks." Harry sent him a questioning look and Terry shrugged as if he wasn't sure what he was grateful for, just that he was. Harry smiled and as the last person disappeared down the tunnel he stepped into the hole, but he hovered in the air, the way Snape had taught him for if his broomstick was broken during a duel in the air. He turned to the entrance and said, "Close, and don't let anyone in. Call me if someone tries to get in. Even if they speak Parseltongue don't let them in, even if you recognize them as an heir, call me." 

The opening closed and Harry reached out to stroke a snake that was carved into the wall. It moved under his touch and hissed, "Oh, young master, we shall do as you ask."

"Well how many times do I have to *ask* you to call me Harry? Because you won't do that."

The snake hissed a laughed, "As many times as it takes."

Sighing, Harry allowed himself to float down to the floor and there he landed gently on the soft rug that bore the Black family crest. He'd found it rolled up in the basement of Grimmauld Place, and while Sirius had hated his family, Harry thought it was sort of pretty. The torches burned brightly and gave the place a warm atmosphere. After the Halloween fight he had been so desperate to find a place that wasn't soaked in happy memories of Ron Weasley. Hermione had been grieving alone and Harry had needed to get out of the tower when he saw Ginny the day after the dance. He'd entered the Chamber asking, "Who is the heir?" 

And the carved snakes had replied, "You, young master."

"What about Voldemort?"

"Master Tom Riddle was the heir, Voldemort is not human enough to be the heir. Were he to come, he could not enter, we do not obey him." 

Harry had smiled slightly and set to clear out the place. The ingrained magic of the place had helped clean it. Small mice had appeared and eaten all the snake skin and remains and the cobwebs had disappeared. He'd brought down a box of stuff and saw a fire burning in a hearth that hadn't previously been there. And he asked, "It's like the Room of Requirements?" 

A snake near him said, "We thought you would be cold, young master. Master Riddle liked to think of this as his underground lair, you do not view it that way. You view it as a home."

The damp he'd thought of as part of the room's intrinsic makeup had vanished and been replaced by a gentle warmth. A gold and green couch appeared and the room was bathed in light. 

Now as he walked into the Main Chamber there was a loud hiss of hellos from all the carved snakes. While Tom Riddle had been here he had viewed the room as a workshop and issued only orders to the snakes. But the snakes understood that this master wanted company and so spoke continually to him. They asked, "What do you need young master?" 

Looking confused he said, "I don't know." He looked towards the pond he had created in the large room. It was a copy of an underground pool he'd seen in a film once. He said, "I don't want anyone to drown." He pointed his wand and a magical barrier sprung up, people could only go into it when he or a prefect was watching. He pointed towards the open mouth of the statue and he said, "Do not speak now, Slytherin, relax." The mouth shut and Harry warded it so that it would only open at his command. He also cast a charm that caused a white sheet to spew from the tip of his wand. It hung itself from the ceiling and blocked the view of the statue, he didn't want people gawking at his house. He cast the spell repeatedly, forming eight dorm rooms, sorting it by house and gender. The sheets were red, yellow, blue, and green with strands of pink and blue shot through them for gender distinction. 

The training mats he'd been using for dueling practice with Snape folded themselves up and moved against the far wall. He glanced at Hermione and Neville who were smirking at his proficiency. "What am I missing?"

"Toilets, beds, underwear," suggested Hermione.

"Pudding?" asked Neville. At the look he received from Hermione he said, "I didn't finish my cake."

And Harry laughed before saying, "I think you're right." He got a look from Hermione too and said, "the first years are frightened, pudding would calm everyone down." Turning back to the snakes he said, "Would you make beds? We need two hundred and twenty-nine but I'm not sure about distribution between the rooms."

The snakes said, "Do not worry, we shall deal with that."

Nodding his thanks he snapped his wrist towards a spot on the wall and concentrated. Snape had taught him that you don't need spells if you knew what you wanted and when Harry had been shocked Snape amended, "Most of us need spells, you, and Albus, and the Dark Lord do not. All you need is concentration and creativity." 

And so, without a spell, the toilets appeared, one boys and one girls. Figuring that now was as good a time as any he did his homework for Snape, to be creative. He concentrated hard and gave the rooms gold finishes, white tiling, and a snake motif. Inside the doorway of each he created a table covered in toothbrushes, toothpaste, hand towels, and soap. By the time he was done he was sweating slightly. And he called in English, "Dobby?"

The house elf appeared as Harry had long ago told the snakes he was welcome. Today he was wearing a tunic and four pairs of socks. "Harry Potter, Dobby is ever so pleased to see you. The Death Eaters are not here yet but many have come to help Master Albus!"

"Dobby, hi. Does Albus need you?"

"No, Harry Potter. Master Albus said Dobby was to help you in any way possible."  
"Oh, good. Would you mind?"

"Dobby always is pleased to help Harry Potter!"

"Wonderful, well we need three days worth of everyone's underwear and night clothes and the Chamber won't let me pull things from outside." It was designed to make the heir's magic invisible to the world outside and while it was useful it was sometimes a hindrance.

Dobby snapped his fingers and Harry felt a slight breeze at the back of his neck. The underwear and pajamas would be at the end of each person's bed. "What else would Harry Potter like Dobby to do?" asked the house-elf excitedly.

"Well, we're going to need meals," he thought for a second and then conjured two large tables next to the dorms and another sheet to cordon it off from where they were standing. "And maybe, if it's not too much trouble?" The elf nodded quickly and exuberantly. "Could we have dessert now?" Dobby snapped his fingers again. Harry looked towards the masses of students and said, "You're safe here and the professors are safe upstairs, Dumbledore has allies who have arrived. No one will be killed, probably not even the Death Eaters. I need everyone to be helpful, I don't know how long we’re going to be down here. Don't do anything stupid, don't be loud." He meant the last because he had a headache but taking a leaf from Hermione's book added, "The ceiling could collapse if we all shout. But normal talking is fine. Feel free to swim if you have a prefect or a seventh year with you. Right now I think we should go eat pudding." Some smiled as students swarmed toward the dining room. Harry smiled too.

Hermione said, "Dobby, would you like to sit with us and eat some dessert?" 

The house-elf happily agreed and Harry smiled until he saw Malfoy watching him. "Go on ahead, I'll come join you in a bit."

The last of them left and Harry just looked at Malfoy and nodded for the boy to follow him. He walked to the sheet in front of Salazar. He pushed it aside and made eye contact with the statue and it opened his mouth. "Please forgive me," he said in Parseltongue, "For I know to see your heir do this inside you must shame you deeply." 

He lead Malfoy into the mouth and stopped, he didn't want the bastard to see Salazar's personal laboratory, his ornate bedroom with its bed dressed in a duvet from Sirius's house, the beautiful toilet. He turned to face Malfoy there in the hall and dropped silently to his knees and unbuttoned the blond's robes. He pushed aside the boy's underwear and swallowed him without preamble. Ignoring the words Malfoy was hissing Harry worked quickly to get the other boy off. Eyes shut, not wanting to watch his own actions Harry turned his mind off and hummed to bring Malfoy closer. The bitter come filled his mouth and he swallowed. Standing he left the blond to rearrange himself. "That was day ninety. Stop blackmailing me. You got your end of the deal, now give me mine, and get the hell out."

Malfoy looked at him and said, "I thought you'd crack for sure. You've held up very well. And you're right, you did your part. I'm a man of my word," Harry sneered at the words, "we're through. I'll do what you want."

"What I really want is for you to dig a shallow grave and curse yourself into it. Now leave."

Doing as Harry said the boy smirked and turned to leave. Harry stood and walked to the loo. The torches lit themselves as he brushed his teeth twice and washed his face. The snakes all around him hissed, "It's over, it's all over young master. He's gone." He nodded and thought back to the day it had started. 

He'd been late to Potions and he'd not been concentrating as Snape had already taught him the useful brew in "Remedial Potions". They had realized Harry needed extra lessons in the subject because, to keep the cover, he had to get visibly better. He looked up, day dreaming a happy thought and made unthinking eye contact with Malfoy. He hadn't realized he'd dropped his shields until it was too late. He'd seen the flash of recognition in the other boy's face. And Malfoy had cornered him after class and made his demand, he would keep Potter's deep, disgusting secret for three months of his time. He'd agreed, thinking it was better than being found out. 

Looking at his wet face in the mirror he shook his head. Drying his skin on a towel he left the rooms and went back to the others at the tables. He ate a raspberry tart and said, "I'm going swimming. Anyone want to join me?" He transfigured his robes with a swish of his wand into a pair of red and gold Speedos. He saw the looks he got and said, "It's a school day, I figured this is as close to uniform as I'm going to get." 

Someone muttered something about basilisk remains and could snakes breathe underwater. Before Harry could reply he saw Ginny stand and walk to the pond saying, "It's clear to the bottom." She waved her wand and was wearing a one piece cossy that matched Harry's. And after diving in resurfacing she said, "It's nice and cool. How deep is it?"

It was so rare for them to speak these days that Harry felt his mouth go dry before saying, "About sixty feet." And he cast a spell that actually made it impossible for people to drown. He jumped in, making a splash. Ginny laughed and gave him a small smile. Turning he saw Hermione watching them with a nervous expression and said, "Get in quick or your boyfriend will push you." 

She spun around and saw Neville standing close and looking up at the ceiling whistling. She hit his arm and transfigured his clothes before giving him a vicious push he laughed as he fell and reached out to drag her with him. Spluttering as she came up, she wasn't laughing, still dressed in robes. Harry shot a spell at her, instantly changing her clothes into a swimsuit, she then dunked Neville and swam quickly out of reach. Even while swimming he carried his wand, armed with a water resistant charm. More and more people jumped into the pool. He smiled and Hermione said, "Harry, it's late. The first years-"

"Will go to bed when they're tired. Even if the fight finishes, we're not having class tomorrow. Enjoy this, Hermione, it's noses to the grindstone once we're out of here." 

After about an hour of horsing about in the pond they were all exhausted. People climbed out and dried off with spells. Harry climbed out as Hermione said, "Is the mouth open? We are sleeping together, right?" 

She always acted as though the sleeping arrangement were for everyone's benefit. But Harry was pretty sure that she might like her boyfriend to herself for once. Usually she slept in the seventh year girl's dorm while Harry and Neville shared a bed in their own dorm. It was so empty after Halloween, Seamus, Dean, and Ron were gone and nights were frighteningly quiet without the snores and murmurs. Neville had broken the silence three days after the massacre. His voice had come through the dark asking, "Are you as freaked out as me?"

"More," he'd replied.

Suddenly Neville was in his bed saying, "Sorry, it's just. . . I started to think I was alone in here. Is this okay?"

"It's fine. I need this." And they'd stayed up talking about their friends. And the sleeping arrangements had never gone back to the old way.

They walked back through Salazar's re-opened mouth and found their clothes waiting on the big bed. Hermione went behind an elaborate screen to change and smiled at Harry's feeble attempt at a leer, he was tired. Once his girlfriend was out of earshot Neville shimmied into pajama pants and said, "It's over, right?" He knew about the blackmail in the vaguest details and said, "Ninety days, right?"

"It's over," he confirmed.

"Are you okay?" Neville asked.

As Hermione came out she heard and Harry said, "Yeah, I mean, I only stubbed it. It's fine." 

Lying down Neville wrapped a leg around Harry's waist the way he always did and Harry caught Hermione's "they're so sweet" smile and stuck his tongue out. She fell into bed and snuggled into the blankets. "Weird day," she murmured, "I hope everyone's alright." 

"Without the students they'll all focus well, and from what Dobby said, the whole Order is here. Voldemort isn't expecting us to be expecting his lackeys. They'll be fine." The sconces went out and they drifted off to sleep.

He opened his eyes moments later to see that the torches were lit. He sniffed and untangled himself from Neville. He could hear Hermione in the shower, she was singing. He walked out through the mouth, leaving it open for the others. The dining tables were already covered in food and students. Without an appetite he poured himself some tea and sat silently. He'd had nightmares all night and felt ghost touches. 

A smooth voice behind him said, "Buck up, it's day ninety-one." Harry stood, turned, and punched Malfoy's satisfied face in one fluid motion. He saw the boy crumple and saw that everyone was watching him. Neville had just come in and was smiling slightly. Harry's appetite came back with a vengeance. 

Chapter 2  
~~~

He knocked twice at the door and waited to hear, "Come in," before turning the handle. Snape was sitting at the desk in his private study. "Shut the door." He put aside the papers he was marking and stood. He had a slight limp. During the attack, which had lasted eight hours, he had been cursed with something nasty and had been limping for the last two days. "We're dueling while you keep me out of your mind and shove messages into mine."

"Are you up to dueling, sir?"

"Calling me old?"

"No, you're wounded. I could get Neville and duel with him while you and I keep eye contact." 

"No," he said, "you'll be dueling me and I expect you to take advantage of my sore leg. Take position. Bow. And attack."  
They fought hard, fast, and only kind of clean. Breaking form and a sweat, Harry panted as he felt Severus trying to enter his mind and pushed him out. This wasn't fun, it never was. In a soft voice Severus said, "You're keeping me out but you need to retaliate." Harry nodded and doubled the effort and broke in. He pushed his thoughts in and felt himself being shoved out but just concentrated harder and Severus started speaking to try and distract him. "Are you singing inside my head?" 

"I figured you might go mad and I'd win by default, sir."

"Creative," said Severus with a smirk. It was odd how they could be almost polite while dueling. But then, Potter was being "almost polite" a lot of the time lately. "What is that song?"

"Muggle sports tune, I modified if for your enjoyment." He was panting hard as he sent a silent heat curse at Snape, who blocked it without a word.

"Bit repetitive isn't it?"

Harry started singing it aloud to make it a double whammy, "England have done it, in the last minute of extra time! What a save, good old England, England who couldn't play Quidditch, England have got it in the bag. I know that was then, but it could be again. It's coming home. It's coming. Quidditch's coming home. It's coming home. It's coming home. It's coming. Quidditch's coming home. England have done it! It's coming home. It's coming home. It's coming." 

Inside Snape's head he'd been singing a different verse and Snape interrupted, "Who's Bobby?"

"Muggle football hero from the sixties. Dean worshipped him and Jeffy."

"You weren't born."

"And you were only six. But they were the best. That was the last time England won a World Cup, they played for West Ham when not playing for England. West Ham was Dean's team."

"For what?"

"Football."

"Never heard of it."

"Of course not." He shot Severus' bad leg out from under him. 

The man fell with a scream, "Time!"  
"Out or over?" asked Harry leaning down and putting his hands on his knees. Breathing slowly he said, "Are we done with that, sir? It has been over an hour."

"We're done with that." He still found it odd that Potter was calling him sir without being ordered to, it had been a recent development. "Potions next."

Harry nodded still panting, he handed Snape one of the clean hand towels the man always had around and reached for a second one for himself. Drying his face, neck, and arms Harry said, "Shall I get the ingredients?"

"Yes, you've made it before so I'm not telling you what to get." 

Nodding again Harry asked, "What's the potion?"

Happy to upset the boy while his leg was pounding Snape said, "Veritaserum."

Harry flinched but said, "Right." And headed for the cupboard. Snape watched the way the boy's shoulders dropped and smirked.

Brewing without talking Harry prepared the potion quickly and proficiently. They sat at an island at the front of the classroom. Harry did the work while Severus acted as a silent lab partner. At one point Harry reached for a jar of crushed cloves and Snape's arm came in contact with the boy's skin. Hissing, he pulled back and said, "Potter, you're freezing."

Harry didn't look up just said, "It's been a tiring week. And the dungeon always makes me cold."

"Go directly to bed once we've finished," Snape ordered.

The potion turned clear and Harry donned his dragon hide gloves so that he could safely lift the hot cauldron off the flames. "It's done, sir. May I go to bed?"

Snape shook his head saying, "You know you have to test it first."

"You watched me do it, you know it's perfect." 

"You know that you need to test all your potions. Moreover, you need to learn how to fight it, Veritaserum, is very powerful and won't allow you to lie. However, one can circumvent its strengths."

He sneered at Snape even as he swallowed a measured dose of the clear liquid. Once it kicked in he said, "Two questions, that's it." He was already looking at the little vial of antidote.

This was Snape's favourite part of the night, embarrassing Harry Potter. It was strange: months ago the boy wouldn't have swallowed the Veritaserum. He would have viciously fought. But things were different now. While cleaning the classroom one day after he'd dismissed the students he'd heard voices in the hallway. He had cast an amplifying spell on the sound and heard Potter say disbelievingly, "I'm being blackmailed." 

Confused, he had waited to hear who would reply and wasn't shocked when he heard young Malfoy say, "Welcome to the real world." 

He had smiled when he heard the words, pleased that someone was going to show Potter something other than sweetness and light. He'd severed the spell not desiring to know the specifics of his pupils' social lives. The incident's results had shown up in the boy. Potter was more tractable and compliant now and he called him "sir" without being ordered. It seemed that the blackmail had taken him down a peg or two. While he usually frowned upon blackmail, he thought that Potter's trampled spirit had put the boy in good stead; without the cockiness he seemed more focused, less rambunctious. He trusted Draco to not actually damage the boy; the blackmail couldn't have been too serious. Besides, James Potter's arrogant offspring deserved a good kick. After some deliberation he asked, "What do you dream of?" 

Thinking before replying Harry said, "Good running shoes, I'm on a road and I run for miles and miles before my feet feel tired."

Repetition was key while using Veritaserum so Snape asked again, "What do you dream of?"

"Drowning in socks, I blame that one on the headmaster. And someone says, 'Everyone wins when everyone wins'."

"What do you dream of?"

Harry realized that this was not a third question and he had bound himself to answering it. He had agreed to answer two questions, this was still the first. Hoping to get Snape of track he said, "Since I was little I had this nightmare about my mother screaming. But having seen more death that's largely stopped."

"Yes, but what do you *dream* of?"

The inflection made it impossible to avoid the crux of the question. While trying to find a way out Harry clamped his jaw shut. He thought and thought and watched as Snape's smirk emerged. The expression disappeared after a full three minutes when blood started to seeped out of the corner of his mouth. Handing the boy the antidote Snape started to clean up the work surface. Harry rolled his neck after he'd downed the antidote and said, "Thank you for letting me off." The cold politeness still shocked Snape. 

He looked at The blood that was running down the boy's chin now and said, "You bit your tongue? Unorthodox. It'll work but you might bite it off."

"Well, then I'll really be able to remain silent," Harry said with a bitter tone. "May I go now, sir?"

"I'd like to give you a healing draught."

"No more potions, please. May I go?"

"You're always free to go. You asked for these lessons, you aren't bound to be here at all. I just thought a healing draught would stop your tongue from swelling and stop people from asking questions tomorrow. I don't know how you'll explain it otherwise. You have performed acceptably tonight; I do not wish to send you to bed wounded."

Harry nodded and said, "Okay, may I please have the potion, sir?" He wiped at the blood on his face as Snape went to get a bottle of the blue healing liquid. He handed it over without a word and Harry said, "Thank you. Goodnight."

And as he watched Potter leave Snape thought that, perhaps, he should send Malfoy a thank you note. 

Harry walked through the hallways uncaring for noise and visibility. As head boy no one could tell him off for breaking curfew, it was part of his duties to patrol the halls. He only met Nearly Headless Nick who nodded and said, "Evening, young Potter." Harry nodded, not trusting his healing tongue to speak. "You look tired, I won't keep you," said the ghost as he floated away. Hurrying away Harry was soon at the Fat Lady's portrait and said softly, "Pneumatic Nymphs," and the picture swung off the wall.

The fire had burned low and no one was in the common room. Harry went quickly to the dorm where he found Neville asleep in his bed. He smiled slightly as he stripped down to his briefs, putting his glasses on the bedside table, and slid under the covers. A leg wrapped around his waist and Neville asked, "How'd it go?"

"An eight."

The slightly shocked voice said, "That's great."

"One being good, ten being miserable." 

"Oh," there was disappointment then, "did you learn anything?"

"Some stuff, it was definitely worth while, it just wasn't fun." He sighed, "It's been a hard week."

He felt Neville's hand on his back as the other boy said, "I don't understand why you couldn't tell Hermione about the blackmail; she would have sorted it out." 

"Hermione would have charged like a bull in a china shop, she would have made it worse." Harry breathed slowly, "She would have found out exactly why I was being blackmailed before 'sorting it out'. I couldn't risk that."

"Is this secret so bad?" asked Neville. "Why can't you tell me, you know I wouldn't tell anyone."

"I've sucked Malfoy off ninety times just to make sure you never find out what the secret is. If it gets out, I'll never be able to meet anyone's eye ever again especially not yours. I don't want to lose your friendship." 

"Can you at least tell me what this is about?" asked Neville plaintively. 

"It's stupid."

"It was serious enough for you to submit to Malfoy. It's not stupid to you," Neville said assuring. 

"It's my damned love life." Snorting bitterly he said, "Can you imagine? Harry Potter worrying about his love life while there's a war. It's a pantomime."  
"You know I'll always respect you." Neville was still stroking his back gently and Harry wished that it was true.

Exhausted he asked, "Please, Neville, can we go to sleep? We don't have class tomorrow, Saturday. We can sleep late and just forget. And on Monday I'll get up early, go to another training with Snape and after that you can berate me if you like."

Neville did as he asked and they spent the weekend goofing about, teasing Hermione, and grudgingly studying. Hermione did her usually, "Studying is a good thing" speech but joined them for swims in the Chamber of Secrets several times and a covert trip down to Hogsmeade under Harry's invisibility cloak. Harry spent time down in the Chamber alone doing the mind emptying exercises that Snape had taught him and practicing dueling against invisible partners to study all the things Snape had been training him in. 

Sunday came too quickly for his taste. He knew that trying to cram exorbitant amounts of fun into two days was impractical and naïve but it kept him focused on lots of stuff, none of which was bad. Most weekends were packed full of activity. Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hermione, and Neville had warned him against tiring himself out. But he didn't feel tired, just empty which was better than being filled with bad things. 

Sunday afternoon was spent by the fire in the common room. Some of the fifth and sixth years were discussing recent dates. One boy was laughing that his girlfriend was going to make him broke but then added, "If she marries me first I won't mind." It always shocked Harry that wizards married so young, it seemed that many married directly after school. He knew that his parents had been nineteen when he was born and married about a year before that. And it seemed so odd to him. 

But then maybe it wasn't wizards, maybe it was people during a war. His parents had been murdered at twenty. If you wanted a family, kids, a life, you had to do it fast because stability isn't something that can be relied upon during a war. And he thought that maybe in the days before Voldemort people had married later. Sitting in front of the fire he thought it was sort of sick that two generations had had to worry about the same problem. But at least his parent's generation hadn't grown up in the war, it had been sprung upon them. Harry's peers had never known anything but war. When they'd been younger it had been more subdued, it hadn't been full out war, but even then there had been a whisper in the back of their parent's minds that You-Know-Who could come back so they watched their children. They'd taught them, if only by example, to fear the name of a man who wasn't even caporal for fourteen years. They taught them to watch themselves, to be wary. They had taught them terror and how not to be children. 

He didn't want Neville and Hermione's kids to be taught those things. They were getting married in five month's time. Then they were going off to college together, Neville was studying Herbal Healing and Hermione was doing Law and Advocacy. He was excited for them because very few wizards went to college, it was only really for special interests. Harry was planning on becoming an Auror and the Ministry would train him for that. Hermione and Neville were planning on having kids while in college. When Harry had asked if they could manage that Neville had smirked and Hermione had gone off saying, "If I could get you and Ron through finals for years, make sure that Ron bathed, that you ate and remembered not to die, and still get straight A's? I can have kids who know they're loved, are taken care of, well fed, bathed, and morally upright, while still getting the grades." 

Neville had squeezed her waist and said, "Yes you can. And I'll do my best to keep up."

Harry had drank in the sight of their happiness and said, "You'll both be brilliant."

He was pulled back into the present as someone asked if he was seeing anyone. Looking up he tried to smile and said, "No." And he thought about the blackmail. And thought, "I see someone, he doesn't see me." Then he told himself to stop being maudlin. He told himself that it was a small price to pay for all the time he got to spend with the person he liked. Time spent without looks of disgust and revulsion.

Looking up he saw Neville watching him uneasily and Harry just smiled. Neville smiled back and Harry promised himself again that Neville would never find out about his feelings. He didn't want Neville to ever hate him. 

As he climbed into bed on Sunday night he thought about the morning and flinched. He hated going to bed most nights, the next day always loomed so close and frightening. But Neville crawled in and said, "Are you alright? You looked a bit grey earlier."

"I'm fine," Harry said, "Just thinking 'bout stuff. Kids."

"Oh, Merlin, Harry. That's not the secret is it? A girl's pregnant? Oh, Harry," Neville sounded scared for him. Harry nearly laughed and just watched his friend incredulously. "Well you kind of like girls," Neville justified, "you dated Ginny."

He had, September of sixth year. But he'd broken up with her because even though she smelled like her brother and laughed like him, she wasn't Ron. And the only person he really wanted to date was his best friend. Once, when they were fifteen he'd tried to kiss Ron, and the young man had stopped him. Citing that Harry was his best mate and too important, he said that he couldn't do it. And Harry had pointed out that Ron would kiss Hermione. And Ron had said it was different. Harry asked if it was because Hermione was a girl and Ron had said, no, that it was because Hermione wasn't his best mate. If it got mucked up with her he would lose a mate and his good grades whereas if it got mucked up with Harry he'd lose a brother. And he had hugged Harry and said, "It's not that I don't like you; I like you too much to be with you." Afterwards he had added, "Besides, I'm not who you really, really like," because he had known Harry's secret for as long as it had existed.

For two weeks he'd dated Ginny, but it wasn't fair or right and he couldn't even bring himself to kiss her, and he just nodded as Neville brought it up. He hadn't even really spoken to her since Ron's death. And he didn't blame her for avoiding him. In fact, before the swimming in the Chamber of Secrets the last time he'd spoken to her had been the day after the dance. Her mother had asked her to pack Ron's stuff saying that it was surely cluttering the room, as though her dead son was somehow putting his roommates out. Harry had been rifling through the redhead's trunk. He hadn't noticed the audience and was muttering, "It's got to be here." It was close to the bottom, equally despised and loved by its owner: a well worn maroon sweater. It was the one Mrs. Weasley had made him the month before he'd come to Hogwarts for the first time. It had always been too big for Ron but he'd worn it on cold nights when there weren't many people around. Pulling it to his face, Harry could smell the other boy on it. Ginny had moved to leave but he'd heard her then and turned. And he looked at her and then away, unable to meet her eye, saying, "Is it okay if I take this?" 

She had nodded and said, "Sure, that's fine."

"Thanks," he'd said and then quickly added, "I'm so sorry," and fled. He'd rushed from the tower, holding his best friend's ugly sweater. He ran all the way to the Chamber of Secrets where he'd looked up a preservation spell to make sure that, no matter how many times he wore it or washed it, it would always smell of Ron. 

He looked at Neville and said, "There's no pregnant girl." 

 

Chapter 3  
~~~

He was on his knees in a cold classroom. And, one of the knees he was on was bleeding onto the stone floor. The blond had pulled him into the room saying, "It's time." 

Harry had fought saying, "No, this is over." But the words didn't make a difference and he knew that if he struggled Malfoy might knee him in the jaw and it would bruise and hurt. So, as he had felt himself shoved to the floor, he had remained silent, even when the skin broke from the force.

Malfoy said, "It's over when I decide. And I decided it's not over. Unless you'd like me to tell-" before he could finish the sentence Harry was pulling at the boy's clothes. If he could get this over quickly he wouldn't be late for class. He focused on nothing, emptying his mind, but his mouth was too full, his jaw hurt, and so did his knee. 

If it hadn't been for the fact that he was at Malfoy's feet he would have cried over the situation, but he wasn't going to cry in front of that bastard. Plus if he cried he wouldn't be able to breathe, and breathing was generally a good thing, except for right now when he thought that maybe not breathing would be alright too. As if Fate was listening to his thoughts, Harry's mouth was suddenly so filled with come that he couldn't breathe. It poured down his throat, over flowed the edges of his mouth, went up his nose, and dribbled from his nostrils. 

And just as he thought, "At least it can't be worse," the door swung open and a figured walked in. The guy looked at them both. Malfoy's fingers in Harry's hair wouldn't release him even though the guy Harry loved was standing in the door. The object of Harry's affection stood looking at him for a moment, shook his head, and left. 

Malfoy said, "Clean me up."

Finally managing to get out of the blond's grip Harry shouted, "Did you see that?" 

With a sneer Malfoy said, "Potter, you've gotten confused somewhere down the line, let me explain: I don't care about you in any way, shape, or form. The only thing I care about is that you make sure to cover your teeth. So the fact that he just walked in doesn't disturb me at all. Here's what I think: you'd better finish this and lick me clean if you don't want me to go out there and tell him exactly why you're doing this."

Thinking for only a moment about the expression the figure in the door had been wearing he said, "Yeah." He then set about licking Malfoy clean. He should have choked on the come because then at least it would be over. He stood slowly and looked at the blood that was seeping through his robes. The sight made him feel queasy.

And as he woke up he vomited all over Neville who said, "Could have been worse," at the distressed look he saw on Harry's face he added, "could have had seafood for tea."

Harry said, "Damn it, I'm so sorry. My God."

"Harry," said Neville as the other boy cast cleaning spells, "honestly? I think everyone vomits on a friend at one point or another. It's fine." Now completely clean from Harry's wand work he said, "All better. Are you okay?"

"I. . . yeah. I'm fine." But so horribly embarrassed, he added, "I'm going to go, I'll see you tomorrow." And before Neville could reply Harry was gone.

"Night then," said Neville softly. Being friends with Harry was an exhausting affair and he just hoped that Harry would end up alright. He tried to go back to sleep but couldn't for ages. For a while he considered going to Hermione but he knew she was asleep. Besides, the girl's stairway turned into a slide the moment a boy stepped foot on it and Neville was too tired to pull himself up by the banister. 

Harry went quickly through the halls and then turned at a squeaky noise. He looked at the apparently empty hallway and the cast a spell that made dust settle on the floor. One patch was still clean. Moving forward he reached out and grabbed at the air over the clean spot. Lifting an invisibility cloak off three first years, two boys and a girl, he said, "These cloaks are very rare and valuable, you should respect it and use it well. So what did you get from the house-elves?" They showed the objects they'd been hiding behind their backs, little cakes and fruit and Harry said, "Good job. You're Ravenclaws, right?" They nodded afraid of the punishment they were about to receive and Harry sighed as said, "That's two points each for getting caught, be quiet under there, stealth is something you need to learn. Flitch is a floor up at the north end so take one of the southern stairwells and be silent." Again, they nodded, this time shocked at the light punishment and reprimand.

He dropped the cloak on their heads and heard one of the boys say, "He's the coolest HB ever."

Laughing emptily he said, "You fail at being stealthy, but I won't take points, just the compliment. Now up to your dorm before we all get caught because I'll be in more trouble than you, for not reporting you." He felt them leave but they were at least trying to be quiet and he didn't think they'd be caught.

As he continued down to the second floor toilet he moved silently, not really wanting to meet anyone. In the toilet he hissed, "Open up," and then added, "Don't let anyone in, not even if they're on that list I gave you." Once he had made the Chamber his home he had talked to the snakes about letting people in. He had told them that Hermione, Neville, and Snape were to be allowed entrance and the snakes had complied but he wanted to be alone now. He hovered his way downstairs, brushed his teeth, and whispered, "Goodnight," to the snakes as the torches extinguished themselves. 

He emptied his mind slowly, pulling everything apart and shoving thoughts into little compartments. And finally he drifted off and dreamt of Greece. He was brought back into consciousness by a dull thudding that he recognized as someone rapping on the sink. He sat up and asked, "Who is it?" 

"It's Severus Snape," said one of the snakes on his headboard.

Harry stood quickly, pulled on pajama trousers and moved through the bedroom, to the corridor, out of Salazar's mouth and up to the entrance as quickly as possible. He murmured the command for the sink to move and as he saw Snape's put out expression he said, "I over slept. We were supposed to train before breakfast." 

Still glaring the man said, "At least you can remember a schedule even if you can't keep it. Mr. Longbottom said you had a rough night." 

Nodding Harry said, "I'm so sorry, come in, may we train now? I don't have a first period on Mondays and you don't start until after dinner, right?" 

"Was it a vision last night?" 

"No," Harry looked away from the man, downwards into the pipe, "it was just a nightmare." He looked up and said, "I'm really sorry, I know you're taking time out of your schedule but can we do it now?" 

Snape nodded and stepped into the pipe, floating slowly towards the floor. Harry didn't ask for time to change, just dueled the man in his PJs. It was hard and fast and Harry was so tired that Snape broke him quickly. He saw the thoughts that Harry had been putting out of his head all night. He saw Draco who had cornered Harry and saying softly, "I know your sick secret. You're disgusting. Now, if you don't want anyone to find out you're going work for it." 

"Okay," Harry agreed, shaking with nerves and fear he said, "what do I have to do?"

"A blowjob a day for three months. And you have to swallow," Draco laughed evilly. 

"Ninety consecutive days and you seek me out. We do this privately and you cannot tell anyone about any of it," Harry said, not really able to negotiate but thinking it was better than the vague "three months" because three months could be ninety-three nonconsecutive days.

Draco smirked at the demands, clearly expecting more of a fight, "You have a deal."

"It's not a deal, it's extortion."

"Extortion has to be for gains of a fiscal value," Draco corrected.

"So it's common garden variety blackmail," Harry said tiredly.

"With a garnish of degradation, yes," Draco agreed.

Harry almost laughed, "I'm being blackmailed."

"Welcome to the real world," said Draco. Harry turned to leave and Draco called, "Where are you going? This is day one."

"This is a hallway, I was going to a room to get this done." Harry turned knowing the blond would follow. 

Snape felt his presence being pushed out of the youth's mind, but it was weak. He could have fought and stayed there to watch but he allowed the tired boy to shut him out. Potter's eyes were on the floor, the shame he was projecting was tangible in the air. The snakes on the wall all started to hiss and writhe. Harry hissed back and all the movement and noise stopped. His bare chest heaved and Snape thought he was very, very thin for a seventeen year old boy. And looking at the downcast face he realized that it had been a long time since he'd seen any real mirth there. At one point he had believed Potter was on drugs because of his constant good humor but that was years ago.

"Could this secret affect the war?" Snape finally asked. 

Harry thought, not looking up and finally said, "It's not a war secret but if it gets out I won't be able to concentrate. It will ruin the most important relationship in my life." He shook his head still looking down and said, "I've been focusing as hard as I can, I've tried my best not to let this get to me: I can only do my best. I swear, I'm trying."

The declaration and promise were so childish that Snape flinched. He'd been genuinely pleased that Potter was being blackmailed and, looking at the slumped, dejected teenager in front of him, he felt ashamed. Potter was being essentially raped and he had gloated.

Continuing his semi-apology Harry said, "It's my fault, I was foolish and believed that I could have a personal life. I'm Harry Potter, I should know by now that I don't have the time for that. And I'm tired a lot of the time so I didn't compartmentalize my thoughts well enough last night."

Nodding Snape said, "You've been extremely proficient of late. Perhaps this shows that you will need a good night's sleep before facing The Dark Lord. I'll write you a note this morning, you can sleep some more." The statement shocked them both because Snape had never so much as given Harry a soft word in the past.

But Harry simply said, "No. Please, sir. Please don't let this change anything. I can't cope if you act understanding. If you don't want to continue training this morning because I'm rubbish without sleep that's fine. But I will attend my classes and meals… I'm still James Potter's bastard of a son. Believe that I deserve this punishment. Don't let this change things. I need you to act normally, just forget about this."

Slowly studying the boy Snape said, "I knew about the blackmail." He was testing the waters, wanting to see what would make Potter scream.

Harry felt himself go cold and he looked up at the man, away from the floor, "What?"

"I don't know the secret, and I didn't know about the terms. But I heard Malfoy say he was blackmailing you. I thought it was funny."

Feeling relieved Harry said, "Of course you did. You are Severus Snape, it would be funny to you. And I'm sure you didn't think it was serious, kid's stuff right?"

"Yes," said Snape feeling cold himself. He hadn't thought Malfoy was capable of that. He had expected more from the boy.

Making a slight assenting noise Harry said, "Well then, it's exactly what I would expect from you. Look, you hating me and laughing at me is normal, and that's all I'm asking for."

With another considering look Snape finally said, "You will be useless while tired. We'll meet tomorrow morning and night to make up for this time you've wasted on your emotions. Have you mastered the killing curse?" 

"No." Harry looked back down at the ground as he said it. 

"Do so." 

"I've tried, I can't even kill an insect. I have no desire to kill stuff. And it's all about desire, right? I'm sure if Vold-" 

"'Sure' isn't good enough." Snape interrupted, "It's about desire, intent, and (for you) emotion. You need to focus. You may not desire to kill but you do desire to finish this war. Learn it by seven AM." 

"Yes, sir. And, sir, please, don't tell anyone? Any move made against him could force him to show his hand. I can't risk this getting out." 

"When will the ninety days be over?" 

"They finished the day all the students got sent down here." 

Snape said nothing but blinked, "Then I suggest you move on." 

The slight sneer and cold tone seemed to actually bolster Potter up a bit, Snape realized as he watched the boy. He turned and was moving to leave the Chamber before Potter could say anything. He didn't want the Gryffindor to thank him for being a bastard. Just as he reached the mouth of the entrance he turned back and saw that Potter had collapsed on the couch. He had his head in his hands but just seemed to be breathing very slowly there was no hint of a tear. Snape believed the young man hadn't cried in a very long time. Watching too thin shoulders move with every breath, he shook his head. Such thin shoulders, considering the fact that, all the hopes of their world were resting on them. 

The Potion's Master went up through the tunnel to get back to the second floor, where he started his descent down three flights of stairs to get back to his comfort zone, to his office for tea. In the Entrance Hall he looked at the house hour glasses. Rolling his eyes at his own action even before he did it, Snape pointed his wand and moved six hundred emeralds from the bottom of the Slytherin glass back into the top bulb. Only fourteen stones remained in the lower bulb. It wasn't enough but he could not make a move against young Malfoy, not yet. He then removed ten of the Gryffindors' rubies, Potter had after all wasted his morning. He expected to feel refreshed by the time he got to his rooms but the cup of milky tea went cold still untouched. A chime told him that he had ten minutes to prepare for class but he wasn't even sure who he was teaching. 

 

Chapter 4  
~~~

In the Chamber, Harry removed his head from his hands and thought, "It could have been worse. He would have laughed his arse off if he learned the pathetic truth. It could be so much worse." He stood and stretched. The tiredness seemed to be etched into his muscles. He walked through Salazar's mouth and into his room were he pulled his PJs off and walked to the toilet where Hermione had taken her shower. He hadn't let the students in here when they'd been locked in over night; he didn't want to share. Plus, to the untrained mind it was creepy and he didn't want people to start thinking again that he was evil. The carved snakes moved continuously hissing to each other and Harry. The sconces burnt an eerie green no matter what Harry did, it didn't really bother him, he thought it was pretty but Neville had said it was an unsettling place to bathe. The shower was the focal piece of the room with a hundred and forty-six heads designed to get potions off of skin. The water too was green, healing, and always strongly scented of growing things. The showerheads looked like snakes with open mouths, the water came from their fangs like venom.

The snakes on the floor moved under his feet, purposefully tickling and distracting their master. Harry turned the water as hot as he could bear hoping to drive the exhaust out of his mind and body. As he washed his hair and luxuriated in the spray he remembered a muggle movie he'd seen on the Dursley's telly when they'd been out of town visiting an Aunt who didn't like Harry. In the film, this girl was raped and then scrubbed herself until she bled under freezing cold water. Harry didn't really understand it, the heat was purifying. But then he didn't feel broken like that, just scared, and tired, and angry. Scared that people would find out and think less of him. Tired of hiding, and sneaking about, and putting up with Malfoy. Tired of being so tired all the time. And he was so angry that, after everything, Snape had learned of it and Malfoy still knew the truth. He wasn't disgusted with the act like the girl had been he was disgusted by the concept. And fear crept into his mind as he thought of his secret, a perversion of an innocent relationship. What would Neville say if he learned the truth about the depraved creature he shared a bed with? 

He stepped out and dried himself with a spell. A second wave of his wand had him fully dressed and headed for class.

Harry walked through the halls with his eyes down, he didn't want to talk to anyone. He just wanted to go to class and focus on things that mattered. Upon entering the DADA room he was pleased to note that Neville had saved him a seat between himself and Blaise Zabini, Hermione gave him a wave from the other side of Neville. As he sat down Neville passed him buttered toast in a napkin. 

The class was pretty much uneventful. Professor Creston reminded Harry of Remus, strong, clever, honest, and careful with his students. He was muggle born, kind, and rather practical. Harry had found the class quite useful as they mainly focused on wordless spells and control. Even though he'd already taught himself much of what Professor Creston covered he was able to refine the skills he was gaining with the man's help.

The man entered saying, "Silent warding. How's it done? If someone is casting at you silently how do you block it?" Hermione sent Harry a pointed look when no one in the class raised their hand and so Harry reluctantly waved slightly. "Yes, Mr. Potter?"

"Sir, a spell has a feel, even if it's silent. You can feel it coming at you if you concentrate. If you know Legilimency it's easier but if not you have to rely on the sensation and your own basic reaction. You can also stop a spell once it's hit you but that's harder to do, once a complete casting occurs the receiver is often incapacitated and not able to break its hold." He knew that when he spoke about this stuff he got didactic and sounded a bit like Snape, this was theoretical and learned from books. When he was speaking of practical application it became so much simpler to just explain how to get on with it. 

"Very good, Potter. Today we'll be learning a block to a basic silent curse, Horrenmorsus. Those of us who've felt the effects of this curse know that it feels like stinging insects. How you block it is by concentrating on it's counter-jinx, there's no anti-jinx sadly so you *do* have to wait for it to be cast before you can protect yourself. The counter-jinx is Munmorsus. We're going to practice this, I'm going to cast it on each of you, I won't allow it to touch you if you fail to counter it but we will repeat it until you can counter it effectively." He silently turned to Harry and the student blocked the curse the instant he felt its birth. Again the man said, "Very good, Mr. Potter."

"Could you do it again later when I don't know you’re doing it?" requested Harry.

"Surely," agreed the man and then proceeded to go through the whole class. As always, the kids who'd been in the DA and the Slytherins from darker families were the first to master the skill. 

Meanwhile, Harry cast the actual curse on his own leg wanting to feel the effects. He gasped at the pain as he felt invisible bees eating his thigh and the sensation spread. Casting the counter he panted as the pain faded and looking up he saw that the class was watching him and he said, "That was quite stupid on my part." He felt slightly ill but well enough to block the curse when he unexpectedly felt it rushing towards him. He nodded his thanks to Professor Creston.

He felt Malfoy watching him but didn't bother to grace the boy with so much as a glance. As the bell sounded he gathered his things and was very glad he only had the one class on Monday mornings because he was exhausted and ready for dinner. Hermione, Neville, and Harry walked quickly to the Great Hall where they tucked in, before most had even sat down. Hermione was talking excitedly about the wordless magic and Harry was glad that Neville hadn't told his girlfriend about the rough night he'd had. 

He felt badly for being the cause of a secret between them and he knew that, while she would understand his silence, he would have to tell her someday. But he already knew she wouldn't understand if he told her now, would look at him with that slightly condescending glance and say, "Why didn't you just tell him?" Because she had never loved someone who wouldn't love her back. If he had told her at the start She would have forced him to go and tell the guy. Ron would have just gone and told the guy himself, he wouldn't have allowed Harry to be blackmailed. But he knew that, when they were grown up she would understand a little and just feel sad for him. 

Feeling a stare on his back he was slightly surprised when he realized that Snape was the one watching him. Not looking up, he was frightened of the expression he would see on the man's face. Concentrating on his meal he was no longer hungry. He remembered with a sudden jolt that he had Potions next and felt physically ill. Not knowing what to expect from the man he winced when the bell rang and signaled the end of the meal. 

He stood silently and waved to his friends, neither attended the class. Neville had dropped it as quickly as possible while Hermione had agonized over the decisions. Without the Time Turner she couldn't take every course offered and with her future career path she needed the higher level theoretical classes more than Potions. There were three Ravenclaws, two Hufflepuffs, four Slytherins, and Harry in the class. Harry's lab partner was Blaise Zambini. 

It was odd to work with the boy. The year before, when the class had been larger, he'd asked Harry to be his partner just to piss off Draco. He had been angry over the way his supposed friend had treated Pansy Parkinson. Anyone who had eyes knew that Blaise had liked the girl and Draco had used her. And after what had apparently been a spectacular screaming match in the Slytherin common room Blaise stopped talking to his friend altogether. 

Harry worked well with Blaise and just focused as hard as he could on their work. Blaise and he got on well, and sometimes they would study together by the lake or in Harry's room. It was a useful relationship. Harry reached for a stirring rod and accidentally touched Blaise's hand. The other boy didn't flinch at the contact and Harry smiled. He liked it when people didn't pay any attention to physical contact with him. And for that person to be a Slytherin was pretty surprising. 

Blaise saw the smile and said, "Yep, we're getting a cheque-plus on this one, which is pretty amazing as the professor hates you."

Harry nodded in reply and yet again hoped that his secret would never see the light of day. He didn't want to lose the tentative friendship. It was nice to have friends and he'd never had many, and had already lost most of those that he had had in the past. They bottled a sample of the brew to be graded and a vial for each of them to keep. As they left Blaise said, "Come out with me?" 

It wasn't rare for the seventh years to eat off of school grounds. But Harry shook his head at the invite. "I had about four hours of sleep last night. I'm going up to bed."

"Okay," Blaise said, "sleep well."

Harry trudged up to the tower pleased that he could relax in front of the fire. But when he got there he saw Hermione and Neville sitting close together in front of the hearth. Neville was stroking her hair and seemed to be drifting off while Hermione was reading with a small smile on her face. Sighing Harry walked past them in stealth mode and stole up to the dorm not wanting to take their alone time away. 

He slid out of his robes, stripped down to his pants, and went to the loo to brush his teeth. He came back and climbed into bed. Retrieving his wand from his bedside table he tried to cast Avada Kedavra, he worked on clear enunciation as he pointed at spiders on the ceiling but nothing happened. He tried to convince himself that it was about intent and tried to kill the bloody mosquito who had bitten him four times in the last ten minutes but it still failed. Shaking his head, he felt like a complete wazack. 

This needed to work, he needed to learn the spell, this wasn't an exam it was a war, and he was too scared to cast it right. Being a stupid, frightened kid wasn't going to solve anything. And so what if he became a murderer? Everyone wanted him to be one and he didn't get a vote. But he could already see the headlines asking if he was the Boy Who Lived To Kill and if he was safe. He knew that he'd soon be out of favour, disliked by acquaintances, and he would hate himself for the death even if the bastard did deserve it.

He heard the door opening and moved to put his wand down but Neville said softly, "I heard while I was on the stairs, you don't need to hide it from me." 

"I can't do it," Harry said softly, ashamed of his inability. 

"In front of me?" guessed Neville.

But Harry shook his head, "No, I can't do it at all. I just can't kill things, not with magic."

"What about inanimate objects? Can you break those? I've seen you do make locks explode. What if you cast it on a quill and work your way up?"

Harry sighed and said, "I'll try," as Neville fetched a quill. He held the quill at arm's length and performed the curse. The pen snapped in half, which was odd as the spell left no mark on a human body.

Neville smiled and said, "That's good, you can do it when you take emotions out of it." 

Turning towards the buzzing noise he executed the spell again and the engorged mosquito fell to the floor. Harry looked at the dead insect; he wouldn't have hesitated to swat it: it still felt so wrong to curse it. Looking at Neville he asked, "Can we go to bed? I have to be in Snape's office at seven." Neville nodded and the two boys fell silent.

The week went slowly, long hours were spent with Snape practicing the spell. The man spent hours berating him, telling him to focus, telling him to go into the forest and kill the cutest rabbit he could find. They dueled for hours, they brewed potions, they talked about strategizing. And finally it was the weekend and Harry had a little time to relax. But there was a Quidditch match between Slytherin and Gryffindor. Harry wasn't sure how he felt about meeting Malfoy in the air but as he woke he thought, "today is the day," and got quickly out of bed. Dressing in jeans was fast and simple and he felt Neville watching him. 

Neville said, "You could call it off, cite exhaust. Or call in Ginny and captain the game from the ground."

"No," Harry said, "I've got to do this at some point. I'll be okay." He went down to the pitch and the dressing rooms where he pulled on his Quidditch robes and gave a speech to his team about keeping their wits and doing their best and remembering that they were a better team, which wasn't necessarily true because the team was quite young as so many of last years team members were dead. But they were quite good individually they just needed more time to gel as a team. 

In the air he felt liquid and fast and was really starting to enjoy the match as he shouted directions and searched for the snitch. The high point came early when Malfoy, showing off as always, misjudged a dive and fell off his broom. Harry smiled as he watched the idiot fall, he knew that Dumbledore would ease the boy's plunge but he would still hit the ground. He realized that he didn't really want revenge on the blond he just wanted Malfoy to bugger off. 

As he watched, Malfoy turned mid fall so that he would hit his back and not his oh-so-precious face. And Harry saw a smirk spread over his ferret face but didn't understand why he would be finding this funny until he felt fingers around his wrist and looked up to see a white-masked figure floating above him. Finding himself being pulled by a Portkey he couldn't even scream. Without time to think or process he didn't react in time to the silent binding curse or the knock out curse that hit him one after another. 

He regained consciousness too quickly for his liking. As he did a mental checklist and found that he was bound, physically and magically. He couldn't touch his own power. From his position on his back on his floor he looked around to find himself, unsurprisingly, in the centre of a ring of Death Eaters. They were back in the graveyard. And he was naked, brilliant. This was way worse than that dream where he was in Transmogrification and he was supposed to transmogrify a bird and wrist watch into a cuckoo clock but ended up naked instead. 

Suddenly a high pitched voice was, "Lovely, Bella, as always." Harry shuddered at the sound; he couldn't deal with Voldemort today. He was tired from so much training. "My loyal Death Eaters, we are here for a purpose tonight. We will kill two birds with one curse. Severus will be here shortly. Then he will break Harry Potter. Thus those amongst you who do not trust Severus will see the light and the rest of us will watch a master at work." Harry looked around trying to find Snape but couldn't spot the man. Voldemort said, "It's such a pity that a spy can never be on time." There was a popping noise and a lithe figure appeared behind the man. "Oh good, you're here."

The man bowed deeply to the creature he called master and said, "Sir, how can I be of service?" 

And it wasn't until the moment he saw Severus in a white mask and covering robes he had never really believed the man could be a Death Eater. And he wasn't frightened until he saw the man bow. But he really believed that Snape was a Death Eater when he saw how easily the man yielded to Voldemort. He knew without a doubt that he was going to get hurt before very long. Beginning to shake he was almost pleased to hear Snape inside of his head. The man wasn't pushing against his shields just speaking outside of them. "Potter, you can't cast the killing curse, he's locked your powers and I can't unlock them. The only way I can get you through this is if you let me behind your shields. Don't drop them, just let me in. Please, Potter. We won't get out alive."

Letting the man in Harry spoke inside of his mind and said, "I'm okay." 

Severus Snape worked quickly to cast silent spells. Harry started screaming without meaning to, because one of the spells caused Harry to scream and struggle without his mind's participation as Severus made a show of holding him down. The second spell pulled Harry away into his mind and gave him happy hallucinations. The third and final spell was a tiny lust spell, not enough to arouse the boy just enough to make him relax. As he cast the last spell he tried to pull back from Harry's mind but realized that exiting would destroy the happy illusion charm. He couldn't cast it twice. If he wanted to get out of the spells he would have to break physical contact and that would make it obvious to Voldemort that spells had been cast. So he stayed as unobtrusive as possible. He raped the boy physically while still protecting his mind.

Trying to shy away from the boy's thoughts Severus realized he couldn't do it, he was stuck, he watched the illusions play out from Harry's perspective, and he felt ill. He didn't want to see Potter's idea of a fantasy. 

 

Chapter 5  
~~~

Harry was being carried into the Chamber of Secrets in strong arms, he looked up to see Severus and murmured, "I hurt all over." 

Severus nodded and said, "Just relax," he sat down on the couch still holding Harry and said, "Do you want Madame Pomfrey to look at it?"

"You took care of me, I'm fine, just stay here. Tell me a story?" asked Harry looking down at his dressed wound.

Nodding Severus said, "Once there was a fool who thought to stop a flesh eating curse by stepping in front of its target and almost lost his entire leg. He would have if it wasn't for our hero, the Potion Master."

"A nice story," demanded Harry.

"Would you like a drink?" asked Severus with a sigh.

Harry nodded, "Anything cold."  
~~~

He was on his stomach in bright sunlight with a cold drink in his hand. He opened his eyes and asked, "How's your book?" 

Severus glanced up and said, "It's fascinating. How's tanning?"

"Highly productive. Aren't you glad we came to Greece?"

"Potter, I'm trying to read."

~~~

"Hermione, it's a wonderful book. I'm pleased for you."

"Thanks, Harry, that means a lot."

"Is it going to be published? Who's read it?"

She nodded, "Looks like it will be printed soon. Some really important people read it."

~~~

The table was comfortable and worn and Molly was looking at him with so much kindness in her eyes as she said, "We don't blame you. You've been a part of this family since you were eleven. He's dead but you're no less a part of us." And he was being hugged in warm, soft arms.

~~~

Malfoy had him cornered and was saying, "If you follow my directions, Professor Snape will never find out about your pathetic adoration. I know your sick secret. You're disgusting. Now, if you don't want anyone to find out you're going work for it."

The image was so sharp that Severus knew it was a memory but then it went cloudy and a voice, that sounded like Sirius Black's said, "It's ten minutes a day, that's it. And in exchange you'll get all those classes and training sections without him belittling your feelings, it's worth it. He won't hurt you if he doesn't realize you love-"

~~~

"-this dress! I can't believe today is finally here!" Hermione was saying happily.

"I can't believe that I'm the best man and yet I'm doing up the bride's buttons," Harry replied without any hurtfulness in his voice.

"Neville doesn't need help dressing," she said playing with her hands. "Is your boy out there?" 

"He's old enough to be your father and he isn't a possession to be mine," Harry corrected.

"So he's not here?"

"He doesn't attend ex-student's weddings."

"But for you-"

"What so he can see me in dress robes or support my friends? That's not him. He puts up with you and doesn't begrudge me my friendships."

"But if you asked him to-"

"I don't want him to change. He could pretend to adore you but he wouldn't be happy. I didn't see him and think, 'There's a nice fixer upper, I can mold him to my will!' I saw him and knew that he was the most beautiful, strong, brave man I would ever meet. I don't want him to be someone else. Thank God, the buttons are done! Lets get out there before Nev decides we've done a runner."

As they stepped into the Weasley's back garden, where the service was being held, Harry's eyes fell upon Severus. Severus, who was still in Harry's mind watching everything, had been expecting to see some highly glorified version of himself. So he was surprised when he saw that Harry's perfect Snape was no different than the real version: hooked nose, too dark eyes, sallow skin, and greasy hair.

Harry felt his mouth go dry and he whispered, "And then he manages to shock me and make me even happier. God, he's hot."

Hermione's eyes widened and she said, "Harry, he's-"

"Buttons! Don't say a word. I just did up fifty-six-"

~~~

"-minutes. Nearly an hour to clean six measly pots!" screamed a woman who looked to Severus' mind like a too thin, ugly version of Lily. He looked at the pots that would have taken hours to scrub. And he looked at the little boy, perhaps five years old, who was holding a scrim-pad and looked like he was about to cry. 

Again the clarity of the image told Severus that this was a memory but just as the woman pulled her arm back to hit her nephew things went cloudy and slow. And she let her arm down and said, "No dinner. Go to bed now!"

Harry moved quickly away and Severus was surprised to watch the boy go into the cupboard under the stairs. There he collapsed tiredly onto a little cot and looked at a drawing, well a scribble really, that was labeled, "Mummy and Daddy and me" he fell asleep after mere moments.

~~~

Remus had a job, a real, paying, secured job. Beauxbatons didn't care about his blood, just his skills. He was hugging Harry and saying, "You'll have to come visit me in France!" and Harry was smiling and nodding.

~~~

"This will work," assured a tired sounding Severus.

Sighing Harry said, "I can't believe you asked Mrs. Weasley about my Dragon Pox." 

"You've been ill for a week. She's nursed seven children through this."  
"I'm not a child!" Harry was irritated, had been for days, he hated being sick.

"No," Severus agreed. "And it's so much more dangerous for adults."

No longer angry Harry said, "I itch everywhere."

"Oatmeal and pixy egg bath, Molly swears by it."

"Undress me?" asked Harry softly.

Concerned Severus said, "Are you so ill?"

"No," Harry almost laughed.

~~~ 

Severus thought it had been going on long enough. He could finish this. He had to come, he had no choice, he was being carefully watched. Feeling positively nauseous he forced himself to fill Potter with his seamen. He had never felt so disgusted by his actions, not since the prophesy. He thought that perhaps when he pulled out he could grab the Portkey that had been seemingly forgotten about. One could only Apparate into the graveyard, not out of it. He could perhaps at least get Potter back to the relative safety of school.

But as Severus disengaged himself from his student the boy came out of the trance. Harry eyes snapped open and he sat up. Severus felt power strumming through the young man and finally understood why Dumbledore valued the boy's emotions, somehow his feelings had broken the spell Voldemort had placed on him. Green and red shields sprung up around them before Harry could even think of a spell for it. 

He screamed, "Avada Kedavra." There was no pointed wand, no jet of green light, it was more of a sheet lightening that struck everyone in the necropolis besides himself and Severus. He fell back to the floor, unconscious. The magic use, the shame, all the happy thought had exhausted his ability to stay there. He slipped into his own mind. As Severus picked up the limp boy he mumbled "Ninety days," over and over. 

With Voldemort dead Severus looked around, found Harry's jeans and trainers and his wand, redressed him, and easily Apparated them both back to the castle gate. The boy was so cold and limp, it felt like he was carrying a corpse. He slowly walked through the halls, carrying the young man. Just as Severus was about to enter the Infirmary Harry opened his eyes and said, "No, please, I can't go in there. I just. . . I want to go to the Chamber. Please, don't take me in there."

"You're bleeding," Severus said softly.

"I think most virgins do. Please, I don't want to go in there." 

The words again reminded Severus of how young the boy was. He had raped this child. It didn't matter that Potter was legally an adult, he was a young man who had been his responsibility to protect. "Alright," he said finally and turned from the door and headed away to the stairs to go down a floor.

Harry said softly, "I can walk," but the words were weak.

"You're injured and tired. Just stay still, we'll be there in a moment."

For a few moments the boy was quiet but then started to entreat again. "Forget about today? Banish it from your mind." Severus didn't understand what he meant until Harry added, "After all, if you know, ninety days of my time will have been wasted." It was supposed to be a joke but Severus could not even force a weak smile. It hit him hard in the chest, Potter didn't care about the rape, he only cared about his secret. And the realization made him feel even sicker, he had taken everything from the young man.

"I can't forget what I've done," he said as they reached the bottom of the stairs. 

Harry seemed resigned as he nodded and he asked, in an even softer tone, "Will you talk to Dumbledore for us both? I don't want to have to see him. You can tell him whatever you feel he needs to know, I'll back you up no matter what you say." 

Severus said nothing just placed the boy on his feet next to the sink in the girl's toilet. There was nothing he could say but Potter was still looking at him, not meeting Severus' eyes but still studying him. Finally Harry said, "I'm so sorry."

"Potter the war is over."

"Yeah, I know, maybe. I'm just sorry, for everything."

"I'm the one who should be apologizing," Severus said, trying to make Potter look him in the eye.

But Harry looked down as he shook his head and said, "No, you've nothing to apologize for. You kept us both safe. I'm a fool and a bastard. That's no one's fault but my own." 

"Potter-"

"Please, sir, I think I've embarrassed us both enough for one day. There's no need to say anything."

"You're neither a fool or a bastard," finished Severus. "You're just a boy."

Harry flinched at the words but said, "Right. I'm going down into the Chamber. When's the next meal?"

"Supper's in two hours. But I'm sure Albus will want to make an announcement so you might want to avoid the Great Hall. I could bring you a plate."

"No. I'll not come but I won't have you putting yourself out. I'm sure Dobby will bring me something when he realizes I'm not there, he always takes care of me."

The Potion Master saw that Harry was leaning heavily against the sink and asked, "Can I at least help you into the Chamber?"

Shaking his head Harry said, "Honestly, you've been nothing but kindness today. But we've both fulfilled our roles and you don't need to care anymore."

"I raped you not an hour ago," Severus said feeling like something was about to snap inside of him.

"No, you didn't. Under any other circumstances I would have been thrilled to get to be with you. The only person raped was you, Professor. So don't worry about me. I'm going to go shower and get some sleep before the fan mail and Howlers start to arrive. Good evening." He opened the sink and then without turning back said, "I can start to pay you back for today. I'll drop Potions."  
"You want to be an Auror, you can't do that without Advanced Potions."

Harry laughed tiredly as he said, "I want lots of things, it doesn't really seem to make much of a difference. You'll be benefiting at least, that's good." Without another word he dropped down into the pipe. 

Down in the Chamber he stripped quickly and set the blood covered jeans on fire before throwing them into the fireplace. He didn't want to look at them. It was true that he'd wanted to be with Severus but not on the ground, in a graveyard, surrounded by Death Eaters. He'd wanted Severus to want him too. He passed into the shower where the snakes hissed hellos and asked why he smelt of blood and dirt and shame and he said, "I killed Voldemort and had sex with Severus." As he adjusted the heat of the water he said, "I always thought I'd have had a real kiss before I had sex. And not a Cho Chang, wet-because-she-was-crying-and-was-actually-kissing-her-dead-boyfriend-while-using-my-mouth type kiss. Does that sound really stupid?" 

"Our first master cared for nothing but blood and power. Our second cared for nothing but immortal power. Love does not seem so foolish."

Harry nodded but said, "Power can be dead useful though." The snakes gave a collective hissing laugh and Harry, "What?"

"You have more power than they could have ever hoped for."

"Don't be silly," Harry chided. 

"Don't dig for compliments, young master."

"You can't be serious." 

"Slytherin would cower to you."

"I'm not as susceptible to your praise as your other masters." He laughed, not realizing that it wasn't empty flattery. He washed himself gingerly. He was so sore and cold. The heat of the water barely touched him. Resting his head against the wall he sighed and said, "Severus knows, and he was *nice* about it." He stepped out of the shower and was dry and dressed in warm pajamas with a wave of his wand.

A fire was burning in the bedroom and Harry slipped gratefully under the covers.

In the Headmaster's office Severus made no preamble he said simply, "Voldemort is dead and you need to fire me."

"Do you mean you wish to resign?" asked Albus without asking about Voldemort.

"No, I mean a dishonorable discharge."

"Why?"

"I raped a student and got behind his mental shields to 'comfort' him. Fire me."

"You raped Harry?" asked Albus sounding highly incredulous.

"He doesn't see it that way, but yes."

"How does he see it?"

"As protection."

"Well," said Albus slowly, "I'm inclined to agree with Mr. Potter."

"You have to fire me, I molested a student!"

"He's seventeen, an adult. If you want to leave you must resign."

"I can't! There's a lot going on, I can't resign. You need to fire me."

"What else is going on?"

"He has. . . an affection for me. If I resign he'll think he's at fault."

"Severus, my dear boy, why do you suddenly care about what Harry Potter thinks?"

"He's been through enough," Severus said tiredly.

Albus nodded and then said, "When considering a relationship with a pupil it's best to keep it from the Headmaster."

"There's no relationship!"

"Well, of course not publicly, no. But you're both adults and he'll soon be out of school."

"He's dropping my class."

"You'll tutor him privately, without grading, that way there can be no questions as to ethics." 

"He doesn't want to be anywhere near me. I raped him. But, having said that, I need to bring his some healing potions later. He also killed fourteen Death Eaters. The bodies are in the graveyard. I'll come to talk to you about my dismissal after supper." 

Leaving, he called for Dobby and told him to bring two meals down to the Chamber when tea was served. Afterwards he went to the Gryffindor tower and told Neville Longbottom to go down to the Chamber. He then went to the Slytherin common room and found Malfoy on a couch surrounded by a group of people who were obediently laughing at his words.

"Draco," he said, "I need a word with you in my office." And then announced to the room in general that he needed to meet with many of them and listed off the order in which they were to come to him. He left with Malfoy close behind him.

In his office he showed Malfoy to a chair and then said, "Bad news, Draco, your parents, aunt, and uncle are dead. You are an orphan and a ward of this school. As they died under the service of Voldemort," Draco flinched at the name he had never heard out of Snape's mouth and the man sneered and continued, "your family's assets and estates will go to the Ministry. After that they will be given to the savior of our world, Harry Potter, in reparation. You will receive a small amount of money to see you on your way. Now, generally, as Head of your House I would offer you condolences, comfort, and sympathy. However, I am aware of your recent activities with Mr. Potter and so I offer you none. You have behaved appallingly. I have never been so ashamed of a student in my care. You have brought ignominy upon yourself, this House, and your name. You have exemplified the worst qualities of a Slytherin: you're the reason my House is treated with disdain."

"You taught me to exploit situations," argued Malfoy.

"Yes, situations, not people, not the way you did it. There was nothing to gain through your actions. Besides making Potter ashamed there is no tangible result of your dealings. Now, as the information you were blackmailing him with concerns no one but him and me, it will be nowhere near as detrimental to us as it will be to you if it gets out. If you tell anyone of his affections I will contact every paper and periodical published in the wizarding world and will tell them what you've done."

"Surely," Draco sounded bemused, "you can't be okay with his *feelings*?"

"You've never had a true feeling in your life. It's not disgusting or awful. You're an emotionless, sick being. Harry Potter is a normal young man. Now leave, tell Gregory to come to me next."

His students filed through his office. He informed them of their parents deaths, offered them all the comforts he could. He was shocked when Gregory Goyle asked if he had to go home to his mother saying, "Please, don't send me back there. She wasn't one of them but she supported them. With You-Know-Who gone. . ." Over two thirds of the children were frightened of going back to surviving parents and relatives. He assured them that they were safe and he would do everything in his power to secure their futures. 

He went back to Dumbledore, feeling exhausted, to discuss making sure the students had funds to start their lives and to talk about how to emancipate the students who were under seventeen. When they'd finished discussing it Albus said, "You can't consider leaving now. Can you?"

Severus shook his head saying, "You should fire me. But I cannot resign with my House in this state." 

 

Chapter 6  
~~~

Under the covers Harry was wearing pajamas, slippers, and his robe. He was still shivering. Magic had to do with blood, it was a genetic mutation. Under a microscope a wizard's blood didn't look human, it was misshapen. Because of the odd blood their bodies were too efficient and needed to burn energy constantly, thus the magic inside all humans showed itself. Muggles needed all their energy to make their bodies work and the magic inside of them never showed itself. Wizards and witches also had much higher body temperatures than Muggles. Their internal heat was usually about a hundred and two point four degrees Fahrenheit as opposed to the average Muggle who temperature was ninety-eight point six degrees Fahrenheit.

But wizards temperatures fluctuated as they used their power, dipping if they exerted themselves too much and rising if they didn't cast many spells. Harry's temperature was also tied to his emotions, he got freezing when sad and hot when happy. Today he'd killed fifteen people and was miserable and his temperature was ninety-six point four degrees, low for a Muggle, dangerous for a wizard. 

Neville came to the Chamber and was surprised when Slytherin's mouth opened for him it had never done so in the past. The snakes hissed at him and while he didn't understand them he did get the message. He entered the bedroom quickly and felt Harry's forehead. He felt like a block of ice. Harry was almost unconscious as Neville stripped down to his pants.

In bed Neville pulled Harry up so that the dark haired boy was sitting on one warm leg while the other was wrapped around his waist. Neville slid his warm hands under Harry's and rubbed his chest. Dropping his head to the hallow of Neville's neck Harry said nothing as he was shivering too badly. After a half hour he said, "I'm so screwed. The person found out."

"So what did Blaise say?" asked Neville softly.

"Why would Blaise say anything?"

"Well was he the one-"

"No! if it was Blaise I would have told you. It's-"

"You don't have to tell me. I don't mind."

"Now that he knows you'll find out."

"No. No matter what I hear, I won't listen, I won't care."

"You will, of course you will. But you hate him."

"Justin Finch-Fletchley?" guessed Neville.

"Be real: he's ugly, straight, and mean."

"So it's someone hot, gay, and nice?"

"No, it's. . . Merlin you really hate him. I could never bring myself to tell you because I knew you'd be upset."

"Is it Crabbe and Goyle hatred or Snape hatred?" asked Neville for clarification.

"Snape."

"Who do I hate as much as Snape?" asked Neville truly confused.

"Snape."

"Yeah but. . . oh, oh, Harry." Neville's face fell and he looked so distressed Harry looked away, expecting his friend to untangle their bodies and leave.

"I'm sorry. I had to tell you, he'll probably laugh, stand up in the Great Hall, and make an announcement of it. This must feel like if you told me you loved Malfoy."

"Snape never forced me to give him oral sex."

"No he just humiliated you for six years."

"It's alright, Harry. You can't help liking him, it's not a choice. I know I was really worried about telling you I liked 'Mione."

"Why?" Harry was shocked.

"Ron was dead for two months, and she and I had been spending so much time together and I was afraid you would think I was trying to take his place, or take her from you. But I still went for her."

"I can't go for him!" Harry almost shouted. "He hates me!"

Severus entered the Chamber to hear Harry's last statement. He walked through the statue's mouth but stayed hidden in the corridor. He listened to the boys as Neville said, "He sought me out and sent me down here. That doesn't sound like hatred to me."

"Well there's more to the story."

"Why are you so cold? Is it just that he knows? What big magic have you been doing?"

"I killed Voldemort and about a dozen Death Eaters. I don't know who they were; I just wanted it to be over. I'm so ashamed."

"Of what? Ashamed of what?"

"I don't think I can tell you."

"What there's some confidentiality rule about attending Death Eater meetings?"

"No, I'm so ashamed. I just-"

"I won't tell anyone, not Hermione, not Head, not my grandmother. I won't judge it. You're so frighteningly cold and I don't think it's from killing thirteen bastards. You're so powerful. So what's upset you?"

"He didn't want to do it.," Harry said quietly.

"I'm sure he didn't. But I still don't know what 'it' is."

"Voldemort wanted him to rape me. I'm so stupid."  
"He raped you and you're calling yourself stupid? You're saying he sent me down here to take care of my raped friend?"

"It wasn't rape, not really. But he feels guilty or something. He didn't think I could pull off the AK. So he cast lots of spells on me to protect me. And he accidentally fell into a happy thought charm and he couldn't get out, I felt him there watching as. . . Voldemort would have seen if he'd broken the connection."

"Oh, Harry. I'm so sorry."

"Other than doing the General Knowledge over Sunday lunch together I had every pathetic fantasy in the book. If I was a normal seventeen year old he'd've just seen lots of sex and think I was a randy fool as it is he knows I'm a useless emotional poof."

"Hey, don't say that! That's not a stigma in our world. It's about power not progeny. No one cares who you go to bed with so long as you use your power right."

"Thanks for reminding me that you're great."

Dobby was suddenly in the room carrying a huge tray and speaking excitedly, "Harry Potter has killed the Dark Lord!" Harry nodded and Dobby said, "This is wonderful for all of us! Professor Snape sent Dobby with food for you both. But Dobby has to go to the kitchen. We are making a feast!"

They ate, Harry only took tiny bites so that Neville wouldn't nag. He finished his story saying, "I wish I hadn't put the shields around me." Then he thought and said, "No, maybe I wish I could just move to Germany. I could learn German." Neville rolled his eyes and Harry said, "There's a spell, it hasn't been used in centuries. You can put yourself into a coma until someone specific dies, I could do it so that I'd wake up once he's dead, he can't laugh at me that way."

"Yeah," agreed Neville, "But who'll be my best man? Who will play Godfather to our kids? Who will Hermione talk to?" Harry shook his head and fell silent. Eventually Neville said, "I'm sorry to ask this but it's all new to me. Why do you like him? He isn't handsome, nice, or funny. And he's old."

"He's thirty-seven, that hardly being in his dotage. And he is funny, horribly mean but so funny. He's not nice, he isn't but that doesn't mean he's bad. And he is handsome. He isn't 'well fit' but he's all striking bone lines, and gorgeous dark eyes, and he has the sexiest hands. He bleeds elegance."

"So he's funny and handsome?"

"He's also frighteningly clever and ambitious. He was the youngest Potion Master since 1562."

"So why does he teach kids?"

"Helps him be a spy. Besides, Dumbledore's his family. I dropped his class. Think I can get into Advanced Herbology with you?"

"You don't have the grades, Harry, sorry."

Harry sighed, "Yeah, I know. . . Before I could pretend he hated me for looking like my father, or for breaking rules. But I can't look at him and know that he hates me for being me. I mean, the rest of the school has cause to hate me: I'm a murderer."

"No, you aren't. You did it to end the war and get out alive. No one can hate you for that."

"I've probably orphaned, Goyle, Crabbe, Macnair, Nott, And Pansy. I don't know who else. I killed Malfoy's whole family, I'm pretty sure. His aunt was there."

"The Lestranges were in charge of torturing my parents to lunacy and were at your house. A quick death was too good for them. As for Malfoy," he sighed before saying, "he forced you to your knees for ninety days."

"People do awful things when they're seventeen."

"Harry," Neville sounded exasperated to Severus. "Just because your father was a nasty piece of work when he was a teenager does not make it alright for Malfoy. And, while you won't tell me why you think he was mean-"

"It's not my place to tell," Harry interrupted.

"-I doubt he was as bad as Malfoy," finished Neville. "I didn't even think you trusted him. . . I hate to harp on but I really didn't see this."

"I *didn't* trust him, not for a long time and I hated myself for liking a really questionable guy. I was so afraid he was really one of them and that I'd have to kill him. But at the Halloween dance he fought for us. If he'd helped them they would have won, I know it: he taught me how to read the flow of a battle. They would have won, and he knew that at the time. I'm sure later he told Voldemort that he hadn't realized how close it was and that he was afraid to lose his cover as a spy. But I know what I saw on that day and I stopped worrying about his allegiances." 

"You really trust him that much? He raped you tonight." Neville was more concerned than angry.

"I'm cold," Harry said after a silence.

"Yes you are." Neville thought and then said, "Just go to sleep, you'll feel a bit better in the morning."

After a short while Severus walked in saying, "Past curfew, Longbottom."

"But Harry-"

"Is a war hero," Severus interrupted sarcastically.

When Harry spoke his voice was very small, "Why are you here?"

"We need to talk."

"Can't Neville stay?"

"No."

Harry looked at the sheets as he addressed Neville, "I'll be straight up to bed."

"If you're not there in an hour I'm coming back down."

"I'll be up soon."

Neville slowly released Harry from his grip. And stood. He shot Severus a look that could have killed and cast a warming spell on the bed before leaving. Harry let the silence stretch and finally said, "So talk."

Severus looked at the boy's hands which were on top of the duvet . The boy's fingers were a blueish purple. "How cold are you?"

"Mid nineties."

"Why?"

"Because I'm tired, it's been a stressful day."

Severus understood the word stressful to mean miserable and asked, "How do you normally cope with stressful days?"

"Neville climbs into bed with me and I cast a happy illusions charm on myself and go to sleep. But that can only be cast on a body once during a single day."

"But mine, clearly, was not cast correctly."

"Why do you say that?" Harry's teeth began to chatter.

"They weren't happy. You're lover deigning to turn up to a friends wedding? Not being beaten? Justification of Malfoy's cruelty."

"Stop it," Harry said firmly. "They're happy, you leave them alone. It was a good spell. Better than one I've ever cast."

"What do you normally see?" asked Severus vaguely disgusted at Harry's idea of happy. What the hell had happened to this boy?

"Good memories, no future visions or doctored memories. Too long hugs from Hermione. Ron helping me clean up my blood after a spirited Quidditch practice with Oliver being equal parts worried, contrite, and angry. People touching me without flinching or clinging."

"Flinching or clinging?" asked the man.

"Some people don't want to touch me because I'm Harry Potter other people want to for the same reason. But some people don't react at all because I'm just Harry. So that's how I cast it."

"More specific then, this is in the interest of magic. What did you see last time you cast it?"

"Remus took me out for my seventeenth birthday. I'd left my Charms textbook in the living room so my uncle had given me a good hiding, locked me in my room, and kept me on bread and water as a punishment."

"Why would he do that?"

"I'm not supposed to be a wizard at home they tell people I go to a reform school for freaks. So it was week three. And it was about one in the afternoon I was sitting on the floor scoffing sweets Hermione had sent me at midnight. And he came and threatened to hex them if they didn't let me out. Once he had asked me a question about movie theaters and I couldn't answer because I'd never been allowed to go to one. So he took me to see a film, it was fun and then we got Indian take-away and had a picnic in the park."

"What happened after that?"

"Went home, got locked up again, ate more sweets. Why are you quizzing me?"

"I wanted to see how much you would say before you would ask that question."

"Honestly," Harry shook his head, "I let you into my mind. Isn't that enough?"

"You're entire hand is blue."

"Well it's been a hard day and Neville's warming charm is wearing off!"

Severus nodded, took off his boots and pulled back the sheets. "Human contact will be better."

"This goes beyond the bounds of teacher or guard."

"After today I don't think I'm either of those things. Now come here." 

"No."

"Why not?" asked Severus feeling his patience wearing thin, this day had been too long.

"Because I don't want you being nice and holding me while you think I'm pitiable only to have you go back to hating me once you think I. . . whatever."

"I don't think of you like that. You're-"

"Just a boy, I remember," Harry said bitterly. 

"I didn't say that negatively."

"No, you were just reminding me of my place." 

Rolling his eyes Snape used a useful spell and a voice said, "Harry Potter's temperature is ninety-three point two degrees."

And he reached across the bed and pulled the weak young man to him saying, "This is your place for the moment." Too weak to argue Harry moved into the heat.

After a long time Harry said, "Why did you come down?"

"To give you this," Severus said holding out a healing potion. "And to tell you that Dumbledore won't allow you to drop my class."

"I'm sorry."

"We'll do it privately. So you won't have an audience. And you won't be graded, you just need to complete the course. Call it the spoils of the war hero."

"I don't want to be a war hero."

"Do you really want to be an Auror?"

"It's all I've ever considered. But Voldemort's dead and I don't want to work for the ministry."

"You're a very rich man, you can do whatever you like," Snape had no problems with his discussion. He always had career counseling conversations with the students in Slytherin.

"Yeah the Potter and Black fortunes, but I need to do something to keep me out of trouble."

"Oh, I meant with all the money you'll be getting from the Ministry."

"What money?" asked Harry not understanding.

"Everything the dead Death Eaters owned now belongs to the Ministry. The Ministry will pass it all on to you, not the houses or personal objects, those will be sold and you'll be given the money."

"What about their kids?"

"They get five percent. Of course some were childless like Wormtail, you'll get those in their entirety." 

Harry felt numb, he had killed that bastard and not even realized. "Can I give it back to the children?"

Severus laughed thinking it was a joke but when he saw Harry's distressed look he said "No, they'll jail you if you try. Believe me, five percent of any of those fortunes is a lot of money." 

"I don't want to make people orphans and paupers."

"They won't be paupers."

"So I'm a millionaire?" asked Harry still dazed.

Shaking his head at the boy's density he said, "You were already a millionaire, now you're assets come close to a half billion."

"Billion what?"

"Galleons."

"That's twenty-five billion pounds."

"Is it? I don't know muggle money."

"I'm rich."

"The richest wizard on Earth."

"I really can do whatever I like." 

"Eat sweets and drink wine all day. Be a gardener, a window washer what ever you like. Throw lavish parties. Fly for six hours a day. Whatever you want." He looked down and realized Harry was asleep. Sitting silent and trying not to wake Potter, Severus stayed for a half hour, just thinking. He was startled to the noise of footsteps and Shocked to see Neville Longbottom.

"You're still here?" asked Neville.

"I sent you to bed."

"I told Harry I'd be back, I gave him an extra half hour. He was supposed to get rid of you." He looked at the way the man was sitting with Harry's feet between his thighs. "I don't know what you think is going on but Harry cares for you very deeply. So don't mess him about leave him alone."

"Longbottom!"

"You're not my professor. I know about today. You can't rape him in the afternoon and then hold him at night without accepting the implications."

Snape started to uncurl from Potter at those words. He didn't need to put up with this tosh. But as he moved to get up Harry said, "Sev'rus? ‘Here 'er y'goin'?"

Understanding that the boy was feeling the aftereffects of spell. Harry believed that he was in bed with his lover. Severus didn't want to ruin Potter's sleep so he said, "I'm going to the loo for a glass of water."

Harry asked, "Can I have one? 'M thirsty?" He stood, conjured a glass of water, took a sip, refilled it and handed it to Harry.

Harry moved to half sit up and Severus stroked his cheek so he wouldn't wake up. Holding the glass to the boy's lips he made gentle shushing noises. As Harry finished Snape said, "Good, I'm going to go but Neville is here."

"Why are you leaving?" asked Harry sounding confused.

"I have to go," said Severus in a tone so gentle that Neville didn't believe it was really him speaking.

"Do I get a kiss?" asked Harry, still very much half asleep.

Severus thought for a moment, hesitated, and then softly kissed Harry. It was lingering and sweet and he slid his fingers into scruffy hair. When they broke apart he said, "Go back to sleep." The boy nodded and laid back down feeling happy.

Turning he saw that Neville was watching and he asked, "What was that?"

"It was just what lingered from a charm."

"So a charm on him caused you to kiss him."

"He needs a goodnight's sleep. I wasn't whiling to break his thoughts." Saying no more he turned, left, and went back to his rooms. There he consumed a bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky and passed out in his favourite chair. 

 

Chapter 7  
~~~

Harry woke confused and asked, "Neville?"

"I came in at about one."

"And did he. . ."

"Kiss you full on the mouth? Yes he did. Said he was doing it to keep you a sleep, thought you needed sleep."

"Right," Harry sighed, "duty. You have sex with your old bully's kid to protect him out of a sense of guilt. You find out the kid's stupid enough to be in love with you so you kiss him to keep him compliant." 

"But," Neville trailed off not sure he should tell Harry, "he held your face, closed his eyes and played with your hair. It lasted a good twenty seconds."

"He tasted of lemon drops and tea,"

"His lips?"

"No I slipped him the tongue."

Neville smiled at the absurdity as he asked, "How did he react?"

"Very nicely. Dumbledore won't let me drop. How am I going to see him and not get a hard on?"

"Naked McGonagall?"

"Not enough if he smells good. I'm supposed to have class today."

The fireplace roared and Severus' head appeared, "Eight PM for class, Potter, My office. Read up on the Carrion Pulpous. You'll be late to breakfast if you don't start moving." 

Upon walking into the Great Hall ten minutes later Harry saw pictures of corpses on the cover of every newspaper. And underneath the corpses was a picture of himself looking slightly disgusted. The headline ran : "Potter is the Savior!" 

Applause went around the room. But Harry saw Malfoy just watching him and he mouthed, "I'm sorry," before whispering "Neville, go on without me," and turning to leave again. He saw Malfoy following him., tripping over people in his haste to get to Harry. 

"You're sorry?" Draco shouted after the Great Hall's door shut behind him.

"I wanted the war to end. I didn't want to kill parents." 

"Because you wouldn't wish me harm!" Draco spat.

Calm as death Harry said, "I want you to go far away. I never want to see you again. But I hope you have a long, happy life far the hell away from me. I'm going to walk up these stairs. And we're never going to talk again. Goodbye, Draco Malfoy, I wish you all the joys in the world." He turned and started to go to. . . somewhere that wasn't where he currently was.

Draco shouted, "You can't walk away from me!"

Without looking back Harry said, "I just did." 

He found himself in the Transfiguration class long before anyone else. And sank down into a desk in the back row. Irritated and still tired he failed to notice the cat who was curled up on the professor's chair. He didn't hear cat feet approach him, or circle him twice, and he nearly fell out of his chair when the cat he hadn't seen turned into the tall figure of Professor McGonagall. 

"Harry," she said kindly, "you look like death warmed over."

Thinking for a minute he said, "I haven't slept well in seventeen months. I was blackmailed over a secret for three months only to have the person the secret was about learn of it anyway. Neville forgave me for keeping secrets. And I got my first real kiss while running a really low temperature." 

"You didn't mention Voldemort," she said with a sad smile.

"Oh. . . I'm trying not to think about that. I want things to start feeling normal again."

"Nothing will feel normal until you rest. I'll send a note around excusing you from lessons. Do something you want to do: it will make you feel better." 

Harry started to protest about just faking normality instead but she wouldn't hear of it. She sent him away telling him he would get detention if he attended his normal classes. Finally he said, "But I want to go to my Potion's lesson."

She frowned, the poor boy. He'd been spending too much time with Severus because of all of his extra lessons and she was worried that he had become dependant upon the man even though she knew that Harry loathed him.

"Please," he said, "he'll say I'm slacking." 

After a moment she nodded, "I'll still send the note around so you won't have to go if you don't want."

He left and went back to the Tower where he read the section in his textbook on the Carrion Pulpous. He looked it up in two other books. Afterwards he went down to Severus' office. It was second period and he knew that Severus would be there drinking coffee. He knocked and waited until he was told to enter. The man glowered at him as he entered, "Potter, or Savior, if you prefer. What do you want?" 

"Professor McGonagall excused me from-" 

"I got the note. Did you want to tell me in person? How kind of you, I'm so honored."

Harry forged on, "So I wanted to ask if there was a better time for you than eight." Severus said nothing and Harry continued. "Or if it's more convenient I'll come at eight." Severus still didn't respond, he was just looking at him. "Eight o'clock.. I'm sorry I interrupted your coffee."

"Be in the lab and ready at four." Snape turned back to his papers.

"Thank you, Sir." Harry left silently and went back to his room where he changed out of uniform and into jeans and then fell asleep. When he woke up, Neville was in the room at his desk. "Do you have a book on the ingredients for the Carrion Pulpous?"

"They'll be in here," he said and tossed one of his books onto the foot of Harry's bed. After reading it he left and went down to the lab.

He set up his cauldron and found the things he would need. He pulled out a quill as he knew there would be a quiz. Then he sat and waited. Four came and went and when Severus came he said, "You're on time."

Harry smiled, "No, you're late."

"Don't be clever, Potter."

The smile fell, "Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir. I'm ready for the quiz." 

The teacher placed the quiz parchment down on the desk and said, "Once you're done, I'll mark it and explain the multitude you have incorrect."

"Thank you, Sir. That will be most useful." He knew he only had a half hour so he quickly set about answering the forty "simple" questions.

When Severus marked it he asked, "Potter, are you cheating?"

"No, Sir."

"You got them all correct."

"I did the reading, Sir, and some extra."

"Right." He felt horribly out of place, Potter getting good marks? Finally he said in a sarcastic tone, "As you're so prepared I'll leave you to brew it. I'll be back in an hour to see what's blown up."

"Thank you, Sir." 

Severus went into his office and then made the wall that backed onto the classroom into a one way window. Sitting at his desk he watched Harry work. The boy moved quickly through the steps, checking the book's instructions every once in a while. He worked with dexterousness and care. He cut things into defined lengths, he made sure things were exactly even and added at the right time. Severus was slightly surprised to see how proficient the young man had become.

Reentering the room after the hour he said, "No explosions then?" 

"No and the book says it's the right colour."

"It is," agreed the man, "and it smells correct."

"Why does a potion to cure rotting flesh smell like rotting flesh?"

"To remind idiots what it's for."

"Right makes sense. Can I go now, Sir?" 

"This is a three hour class, Potter," Snape reminded.

"Yes, but we're finished, Sir."

"No we aren't. You're proficiency today proves that all you need to brew correctly is the perfect conditions of silence, privacy, and preparation."

"Yes. I agree, Sir: it's pathetic and insufficient."

"Why have you been calling me Sir so frequently recently? You never have in the past. As I said last night: I'm neither your professor nor your guard."

"If you treat me as an errant student I can only respond by treating you as a dutiful teacher, Sir. I can see that we're playing at being normal; I'm just trying to make that as easy as possible."

"Potter-"

"I prefer Savior, Sir," interrupted Harry. With an angry laugh he continued. "But then, we both know that the only thing I saved was my own arse."

Finally free because of Harry's snap Severus was able to ask his real question. "What do you want for the service you've rendered the world?"

"I want my anonymity back. I want to be Dudley's scar faced cousin again. I used to only have to worry about getting beaten up. I want to never see another newspaper article about my being sexy or mad, Sir. I want people to stop staring at me."

"That's what you want? To be a no one?"

"That's all I ever wanted. When I got my Hogwarts letter and was told that magic was real, I wasn't a freak, and that I wasn't alone I was so pleased. But I'm no less alone, I just have more people watching me." 

"What do you want from me?"

"Nothing. I just want you to be happy. I'm trying to make this as easy as possible."

"I see. You should expect more after what you've done."

"Then I would be the brat you've always hated me for."

"My God, what I saw in your head-"

"That's not what I hope for. They're just silly wishes."

"They're pathetic. Wanting forgiveness for a death that wasn't your fault, a job for your father's friend? They aren't silly; they're sad." 

Angry that the man would insult his perfect visions Harry asked, "May I ask you a question, Sir? Do you kiss all your students who love you or just the ones foolish enough to hope it might mean something? You want to know what I really want from you? What I was hoping for? I want you to stop hating me long enough to smile when I meet you on time -I'd never ask you to smile upon tardiness-, to be polite, to actually touch my hand when you pass me a test instead of placing it within my reach." Less angry after the outburst but still not alright he asked more desperately, "Honestly? What would have to have been different for you to have felt anything but scorn for me? If I'd not been his son? If I'd not been a student? Not a boy? Is there anything that could have made you like me?" 

Severus ignored the question and remarked on Harry's heated words. "You should expect more from life than being forgotten and having people treat you with basic courtesy. Hope for more."

"When I was little, I hoped that there hadn't been a car accident like I'd been told; that my parents would come back for me. Well I got what I'd hoped for: there was no car accident. I stopped hoping when I was eleven. Life owes me nothing, Sir. May I leave?"

"Why would you like an old bastard? I don't understand. Whatever made you bestow your affections on someone who'd been so awful to you?" 

"I was young and everything I'd ever known had been a lie, I was scared, and you were the first person who cared if I survived or not."

"But Weasley, Granger, Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall-"

"Ron and Hermione were in no position to help me. Professor McGonagall wanted to protect me but never tried to prepare me. And Dumbledore never gave a damn. He wanted me to win but he never believed I would come out the other side. He's not wicked; he's practical. He would use students as fodder if it would win the war. He set me up for the Philosopher's Stone and played me ever after. One time I heard you argue with him over a punishment I hadn't received. You said I wasn't a hero and that if curfew was good enough for the other students it was good enough for Harry Potter. I fell in love with you, because you thought I was normal and not some creature that needed to be treated differently. I'd broken curfew to try and figure out the Chamber of Secrets but it didn't matter: I should have been punished. When you were training me during fifth year I cast a spell and you said it was fine if I wanted to win but not if I wasn't to win and live. And I loved you so much. I found out about the prophecy and why you looked after me. And I realized that you didn't care, that it was just guilt, but by then I was so gone it didn't matter. You took care of me."

"How old were you when this started?" asked Snape feeling his mouth going steadily dryer. 

"Twelve. I was twelve."

"You harbored this affection for five years and you kept it a secret?"

"I knew you wouldn't like it. I told Ron but he swore he'd never tell. I never meant for you to find out."

"The war's over. The world is yours. You can find someone else."

"No one will ever do so much for me while hating me as you have. I don't trust people. I'm sick of being me. I want to be with someone who likes me in spite of 'Harry Potter' not because of him. But it's not your problem. So let's go back to normal: you'll hate me, I'll make an effort you can call half arsed, and in five months time you'll never have to see me again. Now, please, may I leave?"

"If you'd like but I'd rather talk to you some more." 

"About what? When have you ever wanted to talk to me?"

"You've gone cold again, you're mouth's going blue. We should go into my sitting room: the fire would warm you up."

Harry sighed, eager to leave but willing to give the man whatever he wanted. Severus watched him as he walked and saw his slight limp. "Are you in pain from yesterday?"

Harry shrugged. "I'll be fine."

"Which means you're not fine now and anyone sane would be in bed."

"I'm fine."

"Did the potion work at all or did I underestimate? Are you still bleeding?"

Feeling mortified Harry blushed and looked away. "A little, but it's okay."

"No, it's not." He went to a small cabinet by his grandfather clock, inside of it was his private collection of potions. Bringing back a small bottle filled with green liquid he said, "No Quidditch for three days." Harry swallowed it without questioning. "I need to apologize," said Severus.

"No you don't. The only thing I'm angry about over yesterday is that I was half asleep for my first real kiss-" Harry started but was interrupted.

"For the way I've treated you over the years," Severus forged on as though Harry hadn't spoken. "If I had been kinder this whole incident with Malfoy might have been avoided."

"It was my fault: I was running late and I didn't put up my mental blocks. You licked your finger to turn a page. And you have such beautiful hands so I started thinking about you playing a fiddle and he saw. That's not your fault."

Severus flinched. That such an innocent fantasy could do so much damage if known to the wrong person was sad. "If I had been less horrible you might have told me of the blackmail. That is not the point. I should have recognized you were neither your father nor your celebrity. Even when I was teaching you Occlumency, and saw all those things your horrible family did, I assumed that James Potter's son The Boy Who Lived would have it roll off his back because he knew that he was better than them. It wasn't until the hallucination spell that I really saw you as a separate person. A seventeen year old James' visions would have been filled with sex, money, fame, conquests. I should have seen the lovely, clever, kind young man in front of me and not a ghost of a man. Then at least I would have treated you with the ordinary scorn I use for Gryffindors and not made a special effort. But your father grew up to be more like you. He loved your mother and her influence helped greatly. . . and the fact that she hit the back of his head when he stepped out of line. We all grow up in the end. I grew up yesterday. You deserve better than what you expect, want, or even dream of. You deserve more than an ugly, unkind, middle aged man. But I'm not a good person, Potter, I don't want you to get what you deserve."

Harry nodded, this was the Snape he knew. Expecting the man to continue on to say that he wanted Harry to rot, the boy remained silent. After several moments he prompted, "Sir?"

"I want to be with you. You should have someone so much better, and I should have no one, but we could both get what we want."

Felling suddenly numb Harry said, "Be with me?"

"Yes."

"How with me? You want to be my friend?"

"No, Potter. I want. . . I want to be your lover. It's wrong and you're so young."

"I'm legal."

"I'm your teacher."

"You said you weren't anymore. I'm not being graded."

"I'm still in a position of power."

"You're not coercing me. I want to be with you."

"I know. We need to take this slowly. I can't, you're young, I can't-"

"I get it," Harry said softly. "But how slowly? Do I get kisses?"

Severus smiled and Harry realized for the first time that he looked so tired and scared while Harry was starting to feel warmer and more awake. "For the asking," assured Severus.

"I have to ask?"

"I'm an old, crotchety bastard: you might have to remind me sometimes," Severus laughed.

Smiling in response Harry asked, "Do I get kisses now?" 

The man pulled the boy to him slowly and gently took his mouth. It was slow and nice and Harry felt the tongue against his lips and he pulled it into his mouth. Severus was smiling into the kiss as he stroked Harry's face. He pulled the younger man into his lap and Harry moved to straddle his legs. Leaning against Severus, Harry felt safe and happy, he let out a half moan. 

As they broke apart Severus said, "You okay?"

"I'm great," Harry replied and then bit his lip. "Can I?" he shook his head. "I want to taste you."

"Potter," said Severus slowly. "That's not slow."

"We can go slowly afterwards. Please let me?"

"You don't have to do this."

"I know. I want to. For ninety days I," he stopped thinking that Severus might be offended by the mention of Malfoy. He looked down to his hands resting on the man's shoulders.

"What Malfoy did to you had nothing to do with sex and all to do with power."

"I want to do this, I want this to be about sex and trust. I don't want it to be dirty. He's not allowed to have that. He's not taking it from me."

"Well," Severus faltered, "I'm not going to stop you from giving me this gift. . . but if you're not sure you don't have to, or you can stop: I won't be upset."

Harry smiled and kissed his again with a little more force and he said, "Thank you."

Studying the young man's face Severus said nothing for a moment and then said, "You're a beautiful boy." 

Harry slid down, kissing a path as he went. He kept eye contact with Severus the entire time. Severus was stroking his face and murmuring sweet words that Harry had never expected to hear from anyone let alone the man in front of him. And when Severus came with a moan the man would have sworn that Harry's eyes were made of fire. He hissed and pulled Harry back into his lap. Harry licked his lips before being slowly kissed. Severus reached for the fly of Harry's jeans but he felt a dampness there and asked, "You came from my coming?"

Harry shook his head and blushed before explaining softly. "You were smiling at me. A real smile." He relaxed against Snape's strong form once again and asked softly, "What was all that Savior bullshit earlier?"

Sounding sad and tired Severus said, "I was afraid the article would make you back into Cocky Potter. You always seem so fine the day after a battle."

"But I was never Cocky Potter, not the way you thought. And I'm always a wreck after anything important happens, a death, a dance: anything."

"I was a frightened coward. Forgive me."

"Anything," Harry assured with a smile. He breathed slowly trying not to pass out from fatigue.

Understanding Severus asked, "Tired?"

"I feel like I've been awake for a week."

"Well then, you should go to bed."

To be dismissed hurt and Harry tried not to cringe. He'd thought this meant something but now he was being sent off like a child. He was about to move when he felt Severus lift him gently. Smiling into Severus' shoulder he wrapped his legs gently around the man's hips and said softly, "I love you, Severus." He didn't expect a reply outside of perhaps an "I know" he had just wanted to say it because he knew he wouldn't be laughed at or scorned. 

"I love you too," an audible smile was in the words and he slowly carried the boy into his bedroom. He gently placed Harry down on the duvet and moved to unlace his trainers. “Dear God,” he laughed, “I’m with a man young enough to wear plimsolls without so much as a touch of irony.” 

Harry just laughed as Severus continued to undress him with precise hands. He was stripped down to his briefs before he was allowed to undress Severus. The man put a bolstering spell on the fire and extinguished the tourches before he flicked is wand and the curtains dropped own and blocked out the firelight. Harry felt nervous, unsure as to what he was and was not allowed to do. His fears were put to rest when he felt those beautiful fingers stroking lightly at his skin and he curled back into Severus and kissed his happily. 

A knock at the door made Severus sigh and, even in the dark, Harry could see the eye roll. He pressed a light kiss to Harry’s forehead before pulling away and shrugging into a housecoat. 

He was fully prepared to eviscerate whomever it was. But when he opened the door he saw a very distressed Neville who, without preamble, asked, “Where is he? He should have been back two hours ago.”

“In bed,” replied Severus shortly and prepared to shut the door as Neville shoved his foot in the way. 

“No, he’s not,” replied the boy.

“I didn’t say his bed. Goodnight, Neville.” It was the first time he’d ever used Longbottom’s name but he figured he would have to start at some point.

He shut the door on Neville’s, “You’re fucking kidding me,” And went back to bed.


End file.
